Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. why do you think that is? what could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts?

Although
art
plays a crucial role in representing cultural values all over the world
but
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with the advancements in technology, science and business,the popularity of arts has declined. I believe
art
and aesthetics should be appreciated in many aspects
in
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of
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our lives. There is much that can be done to address the problem constructively. The reason why
people
are not interested in
art
as much as in STEM() is career prospects. Nowadays many individuals pursue that type of career which brings
for
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them
the
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welfare and financial benefits.
Moreover
, they believe if they spend time and money on artistic activities they will not be never successful in their life. Another reason why are has not be taken appreciate is social pressure.
For example
in my country Iran, some parents force children to become
a
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doctors or
an
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engineers. they do not consider
art
as a real educational major
due to
this
, they put children on social burden. To encourage
people
to take an interest in the arts, several measures can be taken.
First,
schools and universities should prioritise
art
like other fields.
For instance
, they could set up some interactive curriculums for appreciation
art
. Another one is that governments should allocate more funding for artistic activities
such
as investing some grants on advertisements to raise
people
's awareness.
Also
,
art
institutions and cultural complexes like museums can engage
people
by
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with
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some
acciable
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acceptable
exhibitions. In conclusion, I believe
art
is one of the important necessities in our life
although
art
appreciation would be neglected by some individuals with the advancement of technology these days. but by taking some measures like prioritising
art
education, and providing more support and funding we could solve
this
problem
Submitted by sarasadeghi74 on

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task response
Although the essay addresses all parts of the prompt, the arguments can be elaborated further. For instance, providing additional specific examples or data could strengthen your points.
task response
The ideas are generally clear and relevant, but some sentences are a bit confusing. For instance, the phrase "they will not be never successful" should be rephrased to "they will never be successful."
coherence and cohesion
The essay needs smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Try using linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'consequently' for more fluidity.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
supported main points
You attempt to offer solutions to the problem, which shows a good level of critical thinking. Your suggestions, like improving art education and governmental funding, are relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
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