Men are placed in high -level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women
It is argued that
,
most high Remove the comma
apply
positions
jobs are held by males
. A school of thought holds the perception that the government should promote certain portions of these vacancies to females
. I totally disagree with the statement above. The essay will elaborate on the writer's opinion.
To begin
with, due to
certain health conditions Change preposition
apply
such
as menstrual cramps, excessive bleeding, pregnancy and maternity leave can deter most females
from occupying highly paid positions
. In addition
, females
are held responsible for catering homes and peaceful families thereby assisting kids with their homework and keeping the house tidy. In contrast
, males
tends
to work extremely Change the verb form
tend
harder
and Replace the word
hard
deligently
to maintain an Correct your spelling
diligently
institutions
reputation. Heavy machinery operator requires individuals with enough energy and strength Change noun form
institution's
which
Correct word choice
and
males
are the best option.
In addition
, certain cultures and traditions forbid females
to become their leader
or acquire certain ranks Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
such
as Africans. It is a
taboo for Correct article usage
apply
females
to take
decisions for Correct your spelling
make
the
cooperate institutions Correct article usage
apply
such
as president
. Correct article usage
the president
In contrast
, most jobs require frequent travelling overseas which
Correct word choice
and
females
don't want to hold such
positions
and power since it doesn't correspond with parenting. Again, The world we live in these days are
occupied by science and technology which Change the verb form
is
males
are expect
Change the verb form
are expected
in
that way. When it comes to IT men are equipped with Change preposition
apply
most
information than Correct word choice
more
females
. In contrast
, females
tends
to be bossy when Change the verb form
tend
giving
some Wrong verb form
given
positions
which
they abuse their followers with the power gained.
Change preposition
in which
To conclude
, family tires
Correct your spelling
traits
such
as good parenting, health issues like menstrual cramps, frequency of travelling overseas, certain
cultures and traditions governing some nations Correct word choice
and certain
reduces
the chance of Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
females
working in higher positions
which the government should be overlooked
Wrong verb form
overlook
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on
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task achievement
Consider including more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or real-world scenarios would make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your main points into clearer paragraphs to enhance structure and readability. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
Review grammar and vocabulary usage to avoid errors and improve clarity. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper word choice.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address multiple aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes some logical arguments and tries to explain the reasoning behind them, which contributes to coherence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?