Men are placed in high -level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women

It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
most high
positions
jobs are held by
males
. A school of thought holds the perception that the government should promote certain portions of these vacancies to
females
. I totally disagree with the statement above. The essay will elaborate on the writer's opinion.
To begin
with,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain health conditions
such
as menstrual cramps, excessive bleeding, pregnancy and maternity leave can deter most
females
from occupying highly paid
positions
.
In addition
,
females
are held responsible for catering homes and peaceful families thereby assisting kids with their homework and keeping the house tidy.
In contrast
,
males
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to work extremely
harder
Replace the word
hard
show examples
and
deligently
Correct your spelling
diligently
to maintain an
institutions
Change noun form
institution's
show examples
reputation. Heavy machinery operator requires individuals with enough energy and strength
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
males
are the best option.
In addition
, certain cultures and traditions forbid
females
to become their
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
or acquire certain ranks
such
as Africans. It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taboo for
females
to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperate institutions
such
as
president
Correct article usage
the president
show examples
.
In contrast
, most jobs require frequent travelling overseas
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
females
don't want to hold
such
positions
and power since it doesn't correspond with parenting. Again, The world we live in these days
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
occupied by science and technology which
males
are expect
Change the verb form
are expected
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that way. When it comes to IT men are equipped with
most
Correct word choice
more
show examples
information than
females
.
In contrast
,
females
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to be bossy when
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
some
positions
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
they abuse their followers with the power gained.
To conclude
, family
tires
Correct your spelling
traits
show examples
such
as good parenting, health issues like menstrual cramps, frequency of travelling overseas,
certain
Correct word choice
and certain
show examples
cultures and traditions governing some nations
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
the chance of
females
working in higher
positions
which the government should
be overlooked
Wrong verb form
overlook
show examples
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or real-world scenarios would make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your main points into clearer paragraphs to enhance structure and readability. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
Review grammar and vocabulary usage to avoid errors and improve clarity. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper word choice.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address multiple aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes some logical arguments and tries to explain the reasoning behind them, which contributes to coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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