IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Men are placed in high -level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women

#men #-level #jobs #government #percentage #women
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It is argued that
,
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apply
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 most high
positions
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 jobs are held by
males
Use synonyms
. A school of thought holds the perception that the government should promote certain portions of these vacancies to
females
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with the statement above. The essay will elaborate on the writer's opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Linking Words
due to
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apply
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certain health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as menstrual cramps, excessive bleeding, pregnancy and maternity leave can deter most
females
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 from occupying highly paid
positions
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
females
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 are held responsible for catering homes and peaceful families thereby assisting kids with their homework and keeping the house tidy.
In contrast
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,
males
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tends
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tend
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 to work extremely
harder
Replace the word
hard
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 and
deligently
Correct your spelling
diligently
 to maintain an
institutions
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institution's
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 reputation. Heavy machinery operator requires individuals with enough energy and strength
which
Correct word choice
and
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males
Use synonyms
 are the best option.
In addition
Linking Words
, certain cultures and traditions forbid
females
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 to become their
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 or acquire certain ranks
such
Linking Words
 as Africans. It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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taboo for
females
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 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 decisions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cooperate institutions
such
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 as
president
Correct article usage
the president
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.
In contrast
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, most jobs require frequent travelling overseas
which
Correct word choice
and
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females
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 don't want to hold
such
Linking Words
positions
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 and power since it doesn't correspond with parenting. Again, The world we live in these days
are
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is
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 occupied by science and technology which
males
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are expect
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are expected
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in
Change preposition
apply
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that way. When it comes to IT men are equipped with
most
Correct word choice
more
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 information than
females
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
females
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tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to be bossy when
giving
Wrong verb form
given
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 some
positions
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which
Change preposition
in which
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 they abuse their followers with the power gained.
To conclude
Linking Words
, family
tires
Correct your spelling
traits
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such
Linking Words
 as good parenting, health issues like menstrual cramps, frequency of travelling overseas,
certain
Correct word choice
and certain
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 cultures and traditions governing some nations
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
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 the chance of
females
Use synonyms
 working in higher
positions
Use synonyms
 which the government should
be overlooked
Wrong verb form
overlook
show examples
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or real-world scenarios would make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your main points into clearer paragraphs to enhance structure and readability. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
Review grammar and vocabulary usage to avoid errors and improve clarity. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper word choice.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address multiple aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear framework for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes some logical arguments and tries to explain the reasoning behind them, which contributes to coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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