IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If countries are serious about solving traffic problems, they should tax private cars very heavily and use the money to provide free or very cheap rail travel To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the number of private vehicle owners
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 significantly. Someone who
own
Change the verb form
owns
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 private vehicle, especially a
Use synonyms
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be classified as people with high disposable income. I fully agree that all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
requires
Add the particle
requires to
show examples
 pay
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of tax in order to allocate free rail travel
public
Correct word choice
and public
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transportation
Use synonyms
, especially to realize
affordable
Correct article usage
the affordable
show examples
 of the mass rapid train The first reason is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 private car owners must be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
upper
Add a hyphen
upper-class
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 people with high
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
cars
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 amount of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gasoline, scheduled maintenance, and
another cost
Fix the agreement mistake
other costs
show examples
 to cover.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the upper
class
Use synonyms
 undoubtedly have a lot of money
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their bank accounts. It is believed
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they should be able to pay high certain of tax for their vehicle ownership. Another reason why
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 should pay
expensive
Correct word choice
more
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 for their private
cars
Use synonyms
caused
Verb problem
is
show examples
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the vehicles
itself didn’t
Verb problem
aren’t
show examples
classified
Change the verb form
classify
show examples
 as public
transportation
Use synonyms
who bring
Verb problem
which
show examples
 the benefit for
lower
Add an article
the lower
show examples
class
Use synonyms
. The mass rapid train will bring the benefit to lower
class
Use synonyms
, which is not concentrated to several
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 with tremendous income to enjoy the facility,
while
Linking Words
 the private
cars
Use synonyms
only
Add a missing verb
are only
show examples
 consumed by
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
class
Use synonyms
, the mass rapid train should be accessed by everyone and will break down the density of traffic jam. Some people who
classified
Add a missing verb
are classified
show examples
 as
wealthy
Add an article
a wealthy
the wealthy
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 may think
if
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
cars
Use synonyms
the
Add a missing verb
are the
show examples
 only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 modes with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of convenience and it’s beneath in their mind. Some of them probably never
tries
Change the verb form
try
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they only had private
cars
Use synonyms
 as
preference
Add an article
a preference
the preference
show examples
 to mobilize.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe if the government succeed
to govern
Change preposition
in governing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
cars
Use synonyms
belonging
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with
restrict
Replace the word
restrictive
show examples
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
, the public
transportation
Use synonyms
 modes eventually shall end the traffic problems.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task by making an argument in favor of higher taxes on private cars to fund free or cheap rail travel. However, the examples provided are too general. Incorporate more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear, but the use of language needs improvement for higher clarity. For instance, 'belonging with restrict regulation' could be better phrased as 'under strict regulations.'
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Utilize more linking phrases to maintain a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could summarize the key points more explicitly rather than just reiterating the belief in the effect of government regulation. This can help in rounding off the essay in a more impactful manner.
relevant specific examples
More specific and concrete examples would enhance the support for main points. For instance, citing a country where higher car taxes have effectively funded public transportation could make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases like 'private cars' and 'upper class.' Use synonyms or different expressions to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt and gives a clear standpoint on the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
supported main points
The essay includes several reasons and supporting points for its argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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