In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
modern era,
women
are
mosly
Correct your spelling
mostly
independent and they like their freedom
instead
of getting married.
However
,it is argued by many people that
this
is because of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
security which
women
have today.I partially agree with
this
statement and will provide my relevant examples in upcoming paragraphs. On one hand,
women
deny
Verb problem
refuse
show examples
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
married not just because of strong financial status but
also
they
Correct word choice
because they
show examples
do not want to allow others to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions for their lives and suppress their own identity.Take,an example,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
females after marriage leave their jobs because of
in laws
Add a hyphen
in-laws
show examples
pressure as they do not want their daughter-in-law to continue her job and it is most common in rural areas.
Therefore
,the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
of females
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
taken away from them.I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is
also
the relevant reason
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why they do not want someone special in their lives.
On the other hand
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system
also
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
rise to female education and because of
this
,there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
literate girls in comparison to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.More education means more
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and
hence
more security related to money.
For instance
,A female in our neighbourhood
lives
Wrong verb form
has lived
show examples
alone
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
the past ten years and
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
able to pay all the expenses related to living
as well as
live her best life.
Thus
,it is
also
a reason that
women
because of job placements do not have
need
Add an article
a need
the need
show examples
to get
marry
Wrong verb form
married
show examples
for support. In conclusion,no doubt,
women
are capable
to live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
alone
also
,do not want anyone's interference but financial support
also
be a reason for
women
to not
in
Add a missing verb
be in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
.
Submitted by arshrandhawa9877 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you avoid grammatical and punctuation errors. These small mistakes can impede reading flow.
introduction conclusion present
Try to improve the introduction by providing a succinct overview of both sides of the argument. This helps set the stage for a balanced discussion in your essay.
supported main points
Ensure examples are clearly connected to your main point. Some examples in your essay are a bit vague or not fully explained.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand the paragraph on education by discussing its broader implications on society and family dynamics, thereby deepening the analysis.
introduction conclusion present
Aim to develop a more nuanced conclusion that ties together all the main points discussed in the essay. This will provide a satisfying end to the reader.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Linkers such as 'furthermore', 'additionally', or 'consequently' can help achieve this.
complete response
You have addressed the question directly and provided relevant examples which support your points.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and offers a balanced viewpoint.

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