In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage

this

modern era,

women

are

mosly

Correct your spelling

mostly

independent and they like their freedom

instead

of getting married.

However

,it is argued by many people that

this

is because of

financial

Correct article usage

the financial

show examples

security which

women

have today.I partially agree with

this

statement and will provide my relevant examples in upcoming paragraphs. On one hand,

women

deny

Verb problem

refuse

show examples

to get

Change the verb form

getting

show examples

married not just because of strong financial status but

also

they

Correct word choice

because they

show examples

do not want to allow others to

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

decisions for their lives and suppress their own identity.Take,an example,

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

females after marriage leave their jobs because of

in laws

Add a hyphen

in-laws

show examples

pressure as they do not want their daughter-in-law to continue her job and it is most common in rural areas.

Therefore

,the

decision making

Add a hyphen

decision-making

show examples

right

Fix the agreement mistake

rights

show examples

of females

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

taken away from them.I believe

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is

also

the relevant reason

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

why they do not want someone special in their lives.

On the other hand

education

Add an article

the education

show examples

system

also

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

rise to female education and because of

this

,there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

number of

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

literate girls in comparison to

past

Correct article usage

the past

show examples

.More education means more

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

and

hence

more security related to money.

For instance

,A female in our neighbourhood

lives

Wrong verb form

has lived

show examples

alone

from

Change preposition

for

show examples

the past ten years and

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

able to pay all the expenses related to living

as well as

live her best life.

Thus

,it is

also

a reason that

women

because of job placements do not have

need

Add an article

a need

the need

show examples

to get

marry

Wrong verb form

married

show examples

for support. In conclusion,no doubt,

women

are capable

to live

Change preposition

of living

show examples

alone

also

,do not want anyone's interference but financial support

also

be a reason for

women

to not

Add a missing verb

be in

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

favour of

wedding

Fix the agreement mistake

weddings

show examples

Submitted by arshrandhawa9877 on Mon Jul 01 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that you avoid grammatical and punctuation errors. These small mistakes can impede reading flow.

introduction conclusion present

Try to improve the introduction by providing a succinct overview of both sides of the argument. This helps set the stage for a balanced discussion in your essay.

supported main points

Ensure examples are clearly connected to your main point. Some examples in your essay are a bit vague or not fully explained.

clear comprehensive ideas

Expand the paragraph on education by discussing its broader implications on society and family dynamics, thereby deepening the analysis.

introduction conclusion present

Aim to develop a more nuanced conclusion that ties together all the main points discussed in the essay. This will provide a satisfying end to the reader.

logical structure

Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Linkers such as 'furthermore', 'additionally', or 'consequently' can help achieve this.

complete response

You have addressed the question directly and provided relevant examples which support your points.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and offers a balanced viewpoint.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that to learn a second language well it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken.What is your opinion about this?
Bilingualism refers to the act of knowing a language besides your mother-tounge on a proficient level. Having the ability to comprehend and communicate using a second language is a valuable asset as it allows you to connect with people from various places all around the world. It is a no-brainer that in order for someone to master a new language, they have to go through the process of learning it thoroughly. Some might argue that it is necessary for someone to live in the country where that language is spoken. In the contrary, I think that that condition should not be a necessity.
6
band
Police in some countries like England don't carry guns. Some people don't approve of this because they think that police with guns gives them security. Others think that police carrying guns decreases crimes. What is your opinion? Give relevant examples and experiences.
There is a group of countries where the police are not armed. People argue against this new concept because some feel less secure and others consider that it will contribute to diminishing the crime rate. Personally, I agree with the safety sensation when the authority carries a gun. This essay will discuss this statement and provide some examples to support the argument.
5.5
band
The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?
The damage on the natural environment increased alongside with the growth of consumer goods production. Product packaging wastes and the unprocessed chemical materials involved in production processes are the main key factors why this issue happened. Government involvement is crucial to solve this issue by establishing sets of regulations to govern consumer goods indsutry.
5
band
Scientists argue that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is believed that eating unhealthy food over a long period can harm the health. To solve this issue, people propose education as a method, meanwhile, others assuming that it will not be effective. Personally, I completely agree to the first statement and this essay discusses both aspects.
4.5
band
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
Many people regard work as an experience that is found outside school. In numerous countries, youngsters are participating in the work that they get paid. Some say it is good for children’s experiences and also teach them life skills, including responsibility whilst some disagree. Both sides have their own aspects. However, personally, it is a better idea that children work and gain real experience before they have an actual job. There are reasons to back up the claims from both sides.

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that to learn a second language well it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken.What is your opinion about this?

Police in some countries like England don't carry guns. Some people don't approve of this because they think that police with guns gives them security. Others think that police carrying guns decreases crimes. What is your opinion? Give relevant examples and experiences.

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Scientists argue that many people eat too much junk food, and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.