In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?
In
this
modern era,women
are mosly
independent and they like their freedom Correct your spelling
mostly
instead
of getting married.However
,it is argued by many people that this
is because of financial
security which Correct article usage
the financial
women
have today.I partially agree with this
statement and will provide my relevant examples in upcoming paragraphs.
On one hand,women
deny
Verb problem
refuse
to get
married not just because of strong financial status but Change the verb form
getting
also
they
do not want to allow others to Correct word choice
because they
take
decisions for their lives and suppress their own identity.Take,an example,Correct your spelling
make
mostly
females after marriage leave their jobs because of Correct your spelling
most
in laws
pressure as they do not want their daughter-in-law to continue her job and it is most common in rural areas.Add a hyphen
in-laws
Therefore
,the decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
right
of females Fix the agreement mistake
rights
also
taken away from them.I believeAdd a missing verb
are also
,
it is Remove the comma
apply
also
the relevant reason that
why they do not want someone special in their lives.
Correct word choice
apply
On the other hand
,education
system Add an article
the education
also
give
rise to female education and because of Change the verb form
gives
this
,there are
more Change the verb form
is
number of
literate girls in comparison to Correct quantifier usage
apply
past
.More education means more Correct article usage
the past
job
and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
hence
more security related to money.For instance
,A female in our neighbourhood lives
alone Wrong verb form
has lived
from
the past ten years and Change preposition
for
also
able to pay all the expenses related to living Add a missing verb
is also
as well as
live her best life.Thus
,it is also
a reason that women
because of job placements do not have need
to get Add an article
a need
the need
marry
for support.
In conclusion,no doubt, Wrong verb form
married
women
are capable to live
alone Change preposition
of living
also
,do not want anyone's interference but financial support also
be a reason for women
to not in
Add a missing verb
be in
a
favour of Correct article usage
apply
wedding
.Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you avoid grammatical and punctuation errors. These small mistakes can impede reading flow.
introduction conclusion present
Try to improve the introduction by providing a succinct overview of both sides of the argument. This helps set the stage for a balanced discussion in your essay.
supported main points
Ensure examples are clearly connected to your main point. Some examples in your essay are a bit vague or not fully explained.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand the paragraph on education by discussing its broader implications on society and family dynamics, thereby deepening the analysis.
introduction conclusion present
Aim to develop a more nuanced conclusion that ties together all the main points discussed in the essay. This will provide a satisfying end to the reader.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Linkers such as 'furthermore', 'additionally', or 'consequently' can help achieve this.
complete response
You have addressed the question directly and provided relevant examples which support your points.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and offers a balanced viewpoint.
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