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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays tourism generates a significant portion of national income for many countries, but it has certain drawbacks too. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of tourism and provide a logical conclusion

#tourism #portion #income #countries #conclusion
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In recent years, there has been an unpredictable surge in
Use synonyms
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry.
Therefore
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 it contributes a huge amount of money in national income for some countries meanwhile, it
also
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 unwanted circumstances. In
this
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 essay, I will explain some pros and cons of
tourism
Use synonyms
 in ensuring paragraphs. Today globalization has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached its highest peak,
hence
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people
Use synonyms
 of the world
are preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to travel
other
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to other
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places
Use synonyms
.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 the host country gets significant benefits.
Firstly
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, it improves the
overall
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 economy of the nation as
tourism
Use synonyms
 provides good job opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the
people
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 who
lives
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live
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 in
surrounding
Correct article usage
the surrounding
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourist
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 they have become a part of
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry so, it can lead to achieve
a
Correct article usage
the
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 personal and social development of
individual
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individuals
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.
Moreover
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, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient monetary
support
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support,
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 the
states
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state
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 authority can take incredible steps toward towards well-being of
community
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the community
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.
However
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, increasing numbers of tourists can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous consequences. Nowadays
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 pollution level dramatically
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 at
tourist
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places
Use synonyms
 owing to, unbelievable numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting these
places
Use synonyms
. Apart from that,
due to
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high
Correct article usage
the high
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efficasy
Correct your spelling
efficacy
 of tourists, locals are suffering from many things
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 congestion,
Correct article usage
the scarsity
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scarsity
Correct your spelling
scarcity
 of resources ,traffic and
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
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 cost of essential things.
hence
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 ,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 choose
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 path
for
Change preposition
to
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 earning money.
For instance
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,
belonging
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a belonging
the belonging
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 person has
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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 cost of accommodation and popular things which
are attract
Change the verb form
attract
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 tourists. Even though, they
doing
Wrong verb form
are committing
show examples
fraud and cheating with
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 by manipulating them. In conclusion,
although
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tourism
Use synonyms
 has
plays
Change the verb form
played
show examples
 a critical role
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
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 revenue for
country
Correct article usage
a country
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, it has various disadvantages.
Thus
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 government have to take liability
to maintain
Change preposition
for maintaining
show examples
tourist
Use synonyms
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 in
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
show examples
 way,
as well as
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 give
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
progress
Add an article
the progress
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 of  society.
Submitted by rohanshingala7781 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. For example, provide more balanced arguments by equally discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in your body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, organize your ideas and support them logically. Use clear topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Also, make sure that your points are well-supported with specific examples.
general
Work on grammatical accuracy and range. While minor inaccuracies won't drastically affect your score, frequent grammatical errors can impede clarity. Focus on sentence structure, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the use of linking words and phrases. Effective use of cohesive devices can enhance the connection between sentences and paragraphs, which in turn improves readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets the stage for the discussion. Good job!
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and provides a logical end to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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