IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
families
Use synonyms
 using electronics, which are washing machines, refrigerators, and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaners
Use synonyms
, in a particular country over a decade from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of family
usage
Use synonyms
 of each electronic equipment tended to increase, with the percentage of
families
Use synonyms
 using
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaners
Use synonyms
 and refrigerators
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 their maturity
rate
Use synonyms
 as the highest in 2019
while
Linking Words
 those who used washing machines dominated in 1920.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, there were 30% of
families
Use synonyms
 used
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaners
Use synonyms
 at the outset of the period. The percentage gradually increased until it reached 100% as its maturity
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 it plateaued until the year 2019.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
families
Use synonyms
 using refrigerators saw an upward trend. Starting with around 5% at the beginning of the period, the number climbed up consistently until they reached their maturity
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1980, twenty years earlier than the
usage
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaners
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it remained stable until 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of family
usage
Use synonyms
 of washing machines never reached 100%,
although
Linking Words
 the
usage
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was the highest at the start of the period at 40%. Even though there was a slight decrease in 1980, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 managed to rise to around 75% a decade later.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, families, vacuum, cleaners, usage, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Electricity consumption
  • Household activities
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy efficiency
  • Appliance usage
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Societal shifts
  • Economic factors
  • Historical data
  • Energy consumption patterns
  • Residential design
  • Electrical equipment
  • Time spent
  • Adoption
  • Correlation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: