IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #companies #factories #employees #countryside
Many
high education
Add a hyphen
high-education
show examples
 people do not agree about
scientificial
Correct your spelling
scientific
research
 being done by our
government
 rather than
individual
Add an article
an individual
show examples
 company with many people
say
Wrong verb form
saying
show examples
 the
government
 can do it better. The writer of the essay completely
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
 with the school
thought
Change preposition
of thought
show examples
 and shall
serious
Change the adjective
seriously
show examples
 explain the motives of
this
 ill action. On the one hand, individually
finance
Wrong verb form
financed
show examples
 scientific
research
 has done a
lot
 for innovation because they are
more free
Correct word choice
freer to
show examples
 do whatever they want and they want to spend their
money
 on good actions. Those who do
research
 for companies are free to think of whatever want and let their
imagine
Replace the word
imagination
show examples
 go crazy. If the
governments
 do not believe them, they cannot do the
research
, and
therefore
, lose their
money
 to other people.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
, companies should be
charge
Change preposition
in charge
show examples
 of scientific
research
 because of freedom for the scientists who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 doing good for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To the best of my recollection, it is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 if
governments
 do scientific
research
 because they can have a
lot
 of
money
. Private companies can do wrong the
research
 because they can change it to make a
lot
 of
money
 to give in to
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 greed. On the opposite,
governments
 make
research
 to have more solutions to solve problems
such
 as poverty, global warming, diseases and women’s rights. Others
such
 as computer
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, human rights and animal rights.
For example
, the
government
’s railway system was chosen because there were
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 accidents on it than the private company’s.
This
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that
governments
better
Add a missing verb
are better
show examples
 at scientific
research
. In conclusion, private
research
 can innovate a
lot
, but
government
research
 is meant to be the better option. Scientists will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to pay more attention to
government
research
 and they can become heroes to save the nation.
Submitted by writingeilts on

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clarity
Improve the clarity of your ideas and make sure they are comprehensive. Some sentences are unclear and can be confusing for readers.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing.
structure
Focus on creating a more logical structure. Ensure that your arguments are clearly linked and that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task response
You have made a clear attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is a good foundation for a balanced essay.
structure
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • housing problems
  • countryside
  • large companies
  • factories
  • employees
  • urban areas
  • land availability
  • relocate
  • stimulate economic development
  • challenges
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • rural areas
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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