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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

task 1 One of your friends has opened his shop recently and invitied you to come but you cannnot go write a letter to your friends and says apology for not coming congratulate him what you will do for him?

#friends #shop #cannnot #apology
Dear Jack, How're you? Just
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 your invitation, congratulations
for
Change preposition
on
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 making your dream
reality
Correct article usage
a reality
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. I am extremely grateful to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
this
invitaion
Correct your spelling
invitation
 to be a part of
this
 great event, and I
also
 like to thank you
that
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for
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you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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still
remember
Wrong verb form
remembering
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 me since we've not
caught
Verb problem
seen
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 each other since we finished our graduation.
However
, unfortunately, I am unable to attend
this
 celebration, so kindly accept my sincere apology.
Finally
, your
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 paid off and you became
a businessmen
Correct the article-noun agreement
a businessman
businessmen
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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I can't thank you enough for inviting me on
this
 big day, but unfortunately, I can't be able to see that joy on your face in person, but I can imagine how happy you'd be. Kindly accept my apology for not being there on
this
 day. I
Know
Fix capitalization
know
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 how mad you'd be but don't worry I'll compensate
this
 absence. What do you think of a volunteer for your shop for the first month? So that you can focus on other important issues
as
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apply
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youread
Correct your spelling
you read
 it right, I'll be there from
this
 Monday to help you out and pay for my absence. Once again I apologise. See you soon. Best wishes, Amanjot Kaur.
Submitted by amanjotkaur0303 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down long paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and clarity. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to enhance fluidity.
task achievement
Ensure all points mentioned in the prompt are clearly addressed. You've covered them well, but a little more detail on what you'll do for him would be beneficial.
task achievement
The tone is very friendly and suitable for writing to a friend.
coherence cohesion
You have started and ended the letter appropriately, which helps maintain a good flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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