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Band 5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change, other, however, think that change is always a good things. Discuss both things and give your own opinion.

#people #lives #change
There are competing views on whether to make changes in life.
Although
change
 always involves
risks
, I still think that it is always good to make changes because, in the
lang
Correct your spelling
long
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 run,
people
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 gain more from the changes they
made
Wrong verb form
make
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 than they lose.
People
 who resist
change
 may be too afraid of the
risks
 involved. Take,
for example
, those who choose to stay in
Add an article
an alow-paying
the alow-paying
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alow-paying
Correct your spelling
a low-paying
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 job they hate. They may fear that if they resign, they may be unable to find a new one.
However
, I do not think maintaining the status quo can help them avoid
risks
. Sooner or later, they will
lase
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their low-level jobs to automation. In fact, as the billionaire entrepreneur Peter Thiel said, "
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 a world that's changing so quickly, the biggest risk you can take is not taking any risk." Others,
on the other hand
, argue that
change
 is always a good thing because it is the only way to succeed in the long run. If
super successful
Add a hyphen
super-successful
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people
 and organizations are examined, it will be found that they all have one thing in common: They keep trying new things. They are willing to experiment and fail a lot in order to innovate.
This
 may have downsides in the short term but allows them to remain relevant and competitive over longer periods of time. I agree with
this
 argument because if a person is stagnant for the sake of short-term comfort, they will be guaranteed to fail in the longer term. In conclusion,
although
 a shift in direction comes with
risks
, in the long
run
Add the comma(s)
run,
show examples
people
 will benefit from the shift they made.
Therefore
,
change
 is always a good thing when thinking
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
.
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on

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coherence cohesion
Try to add more transitions between your ideas to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and the essay stays relevant to the topic throughout.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • status quo
  • stagnation
  • routine
  • comfort zone
  • predictability
  • specialization
  • innate
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • fast-paced
  • new horizons
  • equilibrium
  • progress
  • dynamic
  • transformation
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