Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

Visual and expressive
art
classes
for example
, painting and drawing ,are as prominent for child's growth and development as other high schools
subjects
, so
as a result
these
classes
should be mandatory in high
school
level . I agree with the given statement because with the advent of activies children can have a more than one option to get success in their life and enjoy their leisure
time
in an effective manner . I will discuss these points in detailed in upcoming paragraphs . The underlying reason behind
art
classes
make as a complusory subject is better job opportunities in more than one sector .As other
subjects
such
as science and english
classes
of
art
not only provide the option for student as a leisure
time
activities but
also
give a chance to get a job of handsome salary package .
For instance
:- Various studies conducted in the USA revealed that the maximum number of students getting success in the
art
and craft
classes
due to
their interest.
Thus
,
as a result
it can be clearly seen that these
subjects
related to expressive
art
classes
as important as other study related
subjects
.
Besides
this
, these fun design
classes
as painting and drawing are
also
a best free
time
activities for a children during there free
time
.
Although
, they should pay more attention to science and maths
subjects
to get the better future but , to spend their free
time
an effective
as well as
productive manner they should
also
taught these
subjects
during their
school
hours .
For example
:- An article published in "THE TIMES " stated that more 70% of
school
goers spend their
school
days off
while
making different paintings of their choices as their free
time
.
Hence
, above mentioned factor clear that these subject should
also
be compulsory in high
school
level . In conclusion, by making compulsory ,
art
classes
such
as painting and drawing as other
subjects
students will have a number of options for their carreer growth
along with
the as a best free
time
activities .
Submitted by sainisonia422 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to link your ideas with clear transitions between paragraphs. For example, instead of jumping directly into new points, you could summarize the previous point before introducing a new one. This will make your essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and ensure clarity. Breaking complex sentences into smaller ones can help. This will allow each idea to be more easily understood.
task achievement
Make sure that every point you make directly supports your main argument. For example, if you say that art classes offer better job opportunities, clearly state how they do so and provide specific examples or data. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use more varied vocabulary and advanced grammar structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. Avoid repetition and aim for precise language to clearly convey your ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt correctly and provided your stance clearly in the introduction.
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The points discussed are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the essay question.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which is excellent for illustrating your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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