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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph below compares changes in consumer average and expenditure on cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, national and international fixed
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 in
American
Correct your spelling
America
show examples
 over 9 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, spending on national fixed-line services witnessed a steady decline throughout the
period
Use synonyms
. Opposite, the two remaining
Use synonyms
service
Change to a plural noun
services
show examples
 achieved
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 percentage after 9 year In 2001, the percentage
Change preposition
of consumer
show examples
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on national fixed-line
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 experienced throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.In 2001, it was the most expensive
service
Use synonyms
, with consumers spending approximately 700$.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure gradually decreased over the years and fell to around $400 by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cell phone
service
Use synonyms
 showed an opposite trend. In 2001, it was the least popular
service
Use synonyms
, with an average expenditure of only 200$. By 2010, it reached a peak of $750, becoming the most widely used
service
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, international fixed-line services remained stable during the
period
Use synonyms
,starting at 300$ in 2001, but
at the end
Linking Words
 of the observation
period
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 showed that consumer spending on
this
Linking Words
service
Use synonyms
 did not experience significant growth or down.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words service, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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