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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given three pie chart compares the average spending on four kind of food by people in China, India and all over the world in the year 2008 period.

The given three pie chart compares the average spending on four kind of food by people in China, India and all over the world in the year 2008 period.
#three #four #food #people #china #india #world #year #period
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These pie charts
want to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
show the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expenditure on four
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
. There are two countries,
such
Linking Words
 as India and China
also
Linking Words
 the world in general.
This
Linking Words
 data
taken
Add a missing verb
was taken
show examples
 in 2008. The first colour is green
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 indicates
nuts
Use synonyms
 and seeds. The blue one
is represented
Wrong verb form
represents
show examples
 processed
food
Use synonyms
. The colour red is for animal
food
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
 one is yellow to define vegetables and fruits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the highest
consumption
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 around the world is processed
food
Use synonyms
 with
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
41
Change preposition
of 41
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and the lowest is
nuts
Use synonyms
 and
seed
Fix the agreement mistake
seeds
show examples
 with only 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
there is China and
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there consume processed
food
Use synonyms
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
34 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
The animal
Correct article usage
Animal
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is the rarest
consumption
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, India has a high
consumption
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 processed
food
Use synonyms
 with
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
39
Change preposition
of 39
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
nuts
Use synonyms
 and seeds
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 11 per
cent
Use synonyms
than
Change preposition
of than
show examples
 four
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 that
consumed
Add a missing verb
are consumed
show examples
 there.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
charateristic
Correct your spelling
characteristic
characteristics
 between these pie charts.
The processed
Correct article usage
Processed
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 always dominated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
consumed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Nuts
Use synonyms
 and seeds in India and all over the world become the lowest
consumption
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, nuts, consumption, people, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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