IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #summarise #information #features #comparisons
This
 graph chart depicts the quantity of foreign tourists in
Englans
Correct your spelling
England
, who visited Brighton attractions like the Art Gallery, the Pavilion, the
Pier
, and the Festival from 1980 to 2010. At
first
sight
Add a comma
sight,
show examples
 it seems the most popular entertainment for today is the
Pier
. Those lines can be divided into two groups. The
first
 which has the decline of
visitor's
Change noun form
visitor
show examples
 percentage
due to
 the period (the Festival and the Art
Galery
Correct your spelling
Gallery
show examples
), and the second with the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the visitor's amount (the
Pier
 and the Pavilion).
First
 and foremost, in the
first
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 the
Pier
 has the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitor's quantity
Change noun form
visitors
show examples
, from 10% in 1980 to 22% in 2010 with
lightly
Change the adverb
light
show examples
 fluctuations
due to
 the period (peak of 15 % in 1985 and falling to 9% in 1990). The Pavilion
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 the period of observation
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 24% in 1980,
then
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people increased gradually to the apex of 49% in 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and went down slowly to 31% in 2010.
Furthermore
, in the second group, the Art
Galary
Correct your spelling
Gallery
 started from 21% in 1980, achieved
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of 38% in 1985, after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sharp falling to 20% of visitors. And from 1990 to 2010 it
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 slowly to 9%. The
last
 one from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attraction is the Festival,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 started with 30% of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
partisipants
Correct your spelling
participant
participants
 in 1980, and
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 almost stable
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30 years of observation with the
lightly
Change the word
light
show examples
decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
 to 27% in 2010.
Submitted by anastasia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words pier, first with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
▼
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