Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that the younger generation
do
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does
show examples
not understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical work and schools should arrange field works accompanied by academic studies. In my opinion, institutions at any level of
students
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student
show examples
development should implement hands-on activities to adapt them to the future reality, to foster their hard and soft
skills
in harmony, and to give
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
show examples
freedom of choice to start their career earlier. With the advent of new technology, more and more educators and scientists come up with modern teaching methods and instruments like cognitive education, project-based methods or active learning.
Moreover
, their inventions give opportunities for educational bodies all over the world to improve
students
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students'
student's
show examples
results and focus more on their career development.
For example
, in Kazan, ISL boarding
school
implemented
project-based
Add an article
the project-based
a project-based
show examples
system with the elements of
real life
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real-life
show examples
implications.
As a result
, their pupils enhanced
academic
Correct pronoun usage
their academic
show examples
foundations and levelled up
communication
Correct pronoun usage
their communication
show examples
and critical thinking
skills
throughout
this
program.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge technologies give
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to learn more professional
skills
with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
click of a button and adapt them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a daily basis. Institutions can be transformed with the help of educational platforms like Coursera and Udemy which are open to the youth with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasonable prices and flexible deadlines.
For instance
, one public
school
in Moscow, in 2016, bought yearly subscriptions for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle and high
school
students
, encouraging them to accomplish at least one desired course.
This
improvement was a life-changing moment for three Year 11
students
whose team application won in a start-up competition and they were invited to work as Junior Developers after
school
. In conclusion, in our modern world educational institutions should be more open-minded and flexible to implement alternative teaching methods and integrate into their curriculum more practice rather than theory. In my opinion, schools should take advantage of
technologies
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technology
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as well, teaching
the
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apply
show examples
youngsters how to use
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
effectively and learn quickly new life-long
skills
.
Submitted by gainutdin87 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more balanced argument, considering opposing views to strengthen the position taken.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs logically flow from one to another; some transitions can be smoother.
general
Minor grammatical improvements and varied sentence structures could enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples that support the main points effectively, like the Kazan ISL boarding school and the public school in Moscow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a strong opening and closing to the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear and easy to understand, with cohesive links between sentences and paragraphs.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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