IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviour #host #country #differences
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Travelling and experiencing new cultures is a luxury and the tourism industry is growing by its leaps and bounds every year globally. There is an ongoing debate
whether
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about whether
show examples
 the customs and behaviour should be followed by the sightseers, or
the
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whether the
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 host country should welcome their cultural differences.
This
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 essay will elaborate
both
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on both
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the
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apply
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views
along with
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 my standpoint. First and foremost, certain countries have to work flat out to preserve their heritage in the form of Museums, national parks and monuments.
However
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, the foreigners during their visit disrespect them by throwing garbage,
plastic
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and plastic
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 and causing harm to natural habitats.
Consequently
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, they hurt the emotions of visiting
nation
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the nation
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 through
this
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 outrageous behaviour which
enforce
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enforces
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 to implement strict rules and regulations for visitors. So, it should be the duty of every traveller to treat every nation like their own.
Secondly
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,
by
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apply
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following the rituals and ways of living
assist
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assists
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 tourists to get
socialized
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socialising
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 with native people and acknowledging their culture more deeply. To quote an example, some travel agents suggest
the
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that
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 foreigners
to
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apply
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dress
according to
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 the place to show respect for the place they visit. Like, in most of the Islamic
countries
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countries,
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 most of the women
travel
Correct pronoun usage
who travel
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 from
another places
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another place
other places
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 are told to cover their full body before entering as it is mandatory for Islamic women to be covered fully with clothes. On the other side of the point, it is irrefutable that the tourist industry enhances the economy of every region. To attract more tourists, the host country should welcome
the
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apply
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cultural diversities in the form of food, dresses, and languages so that they can feel
it
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apply
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like home. To exemplify, a recent study by Cambridge University revealed that
the
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apply
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travellers mostly prefer going to places which accept diverse cultures.
Moreover
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, it not only enhances the economy but creates great employment opportunities for the native folks.
Hence
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, for economic benefit and
lower
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to lower
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down
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apply
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the rate of unemployment, society should receive visitors warmly. To recapitulate, the debate between the above two points is complex and in my school of thought it's a balanced approach as both
the
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apply
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perspectives hold merit. It is essential for
the
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apply
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foreigners to respect and adhere to the local customs,
while
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 the host country should create an inclusive environment that appreciates diversity. `
Submitted by anupreet8727 on

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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate on examples with more specificity and clarity to improve the relevance of the details provided. For instance, instead of general remarks about tourists dressing according to the place, it would be more compelling to provide specific customs and the rationale behind them.
coherence cohesion
Consider more explicitly contrasting the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint in individual paragraphs. This will bolster the logical structure and help in making the essay more balanced and comprehensively organized.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay presents clear and comprehensive arguments on both sides of the issue, illustrating the ability to develop and sustain ideas well.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with a noticeable introduction, discussion, and conclusion. This helps in presenting the ideas in a coherent manner.
supported main points
The use of real-world examples to support points is a good approach. This strengthens the main points and makes the discussion more tangible and relevant.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural understanding
  • cultural harmony
  • local customs and behaviours
  • host country's traditions
  • unintentional offense
  • enhance the travel experience
  • cultural fabric
  • inclusive society
  • diverse society
  • global understanding
  • mutual respect
  • respect for local customs
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