Many people believe that playing games and tv programs is beneficial but others say it doesnt improve the mental ability of children . What extend do you agree or disagree.

Playing
games
and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
programs are the most two
activities
popular around the world. Many people believe that these
activities
are beneficial but others have a
contrast
Replace the word
contrasting
show examples
opinion, they are not
develope
Correct your spelling
developed
develop
developing
the mental ability of
children
. I extend to that opinion which said: playing
games
and watching tv is useful for
children
thinking. There are many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
of
games
that depend on mental improvement
such
as
puzzle
Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
show examples
,
draw
Wrong verb form
drawing
show examples
boxes,
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
wordsand
Correct your spelling
words
hiden
Correct your spelling
hidden
shaps. All of these
games
are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cognitive development,
forthermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
they can affect on educational level, they might improve problem-solving skills especially
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
and analytical thinking.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
multiplayer online
games
require communication and teamwork, increasing
children
's social abilities. These
activities
enhance creativity boosts,
stimulate
Correct word choice
and stimulate
show examples
imagination and interactive content.
Although
they
relief stressful
Replace the word
relieve stress
show examples
, in some cases serve as
form
Add an article
a form
show examples
of relaxation, reducing anxiety and providing a mental break for
children
. But
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
too much screen time can lead to reduce physical activity, eye strain, and negative impacts on sleep patterns and
overall
health. In conclusion, I have to say
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
if there are many negative effects on physical
activities
and
children
's body health, there are a lot of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
mental. So we can
descided
Correct your spelling
decide
decided
how much and
long
Rephrase
how long
show examples
our
children
would be
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
games
and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
programs.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This would make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by organizing them into clear paragraphs. For example, clearly separating the benefits and drawbacks will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Some sentences are hard to understand due to awkward phrasing. Simplifying your language will help make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to make your essay more polished.
task achievement
You have a clearly stated opinion, which helps with the overall clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good structure to your essay.
task achievement
You've acknowledged both the positive and negative aspects of games and TV programs, demonstrating a balanced view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • analytical thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social abilities
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • interactive content
  • stress relief
  • relaxation
  • anxiety
  • screen time
  • physical activity
  • eye strain
  • sleep patterns
  • educational value
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