Many people believe that playing games and tv programs is beneficial but others say it doesnt improve the mental ability of children . What extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #games #tv #programs #doesnt #ability #children

Playing

games

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

programs are the most two

activities

popular around the world. Many people believe that these

activities

are beneficial but others have a

contrast

Replace the word

contrasting

show examples

opinion, they are not

develope

Correct your spelling

developed

develop

developing

the mental ability of

children

. I extend to that opinion which said: playing

games

and watching tv is useful for

children

thinking. There are many

type

Change to a plural noun

types

show examples

games

that depend on mental improvement

such

puzzle

Fix the agreement mistake

puzzles

show examples

draw

Wrong verb form

drawing

show examples

boxes,

build

Wrong verb form

building

show examples

wordsand

Correct your spelling

words

hiden

Correct your spelling

hidden

shaps. All of these

games

are

Remove the article

apply

show examples

cognitive development,

forthermore

Correct your spelling

furthermore

they can affect on educational level, they might improve problem-solving skills especially

awarness

Correct your spelling

awareness

and analytical thinking.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

multiplayer online

games

require communication and teamwork, increasing

children

's social abilities. These

activities

enhance creativity boosts,

stimulate

Correct word choice

and stimulate

show examples

imagination and interactive content.

Although

they

relief stressful

Replace the word

relieve stress

show examples

, in some cases serve as

form

Add an article

a form

show examples

of relaxation, reducing anxiety and providing a mental break for

children

. But

on the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

too much screen time can lead to reduce physical activity, eye strain, and negative impacts on sleep patterns and

overall

health. In conclusion, I have to say

even

Correct word choice

that even

show examples

if there are many negative effects on physical

activities

and

children

's body health, there are a lot of

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

for

thier

Correct your spelling

their

mental. So we can

descided

Correct your spelling

decide

decided

how much and

long

Rephrase

how long

show examples

our

children

would be

used

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

games

and

Correct your spelling

show examples

programs.

Submitted by zr.a.r on Tue Jul 02 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This would make your argument more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the clarity of your ideas by organizing them into clear paragraphs. For example, clearly separating the benefits and drawbacks will make your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

Some sentences are hard to understand due to awkward phrasing. Simplifying your language will help make your argument clearer.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to make your essay more polished.

task achievement

You have a clearly stated opinion, which helps with the overall clarity of your argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good structure to your essay.

task achievement

You've acknowledged both the positive and negative aspects of games and TV programs, demonstrating a balanced view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

217 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
problem-solving skills
spatial awareness
analytical thinking
multiplayer games
social abilities
imagination
creativity
interactive content
stress relief
relaxation
anxiety
screen time
physical activity
eye strain
sleep patterns
educational value

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Many people believe that playing games and tv programs is beneficial but others say it doesnt improve the mental ability of children . What extend do you agree or disagree.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdor activities like hiking and climbing in nstural environment. Whu is this case? How theycsn be encouraged to go out?

Many small businesses are being forced to close because they cannot compete with multinational corporations. What problems does this cause, and how can those problems be solved?

University should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous Korean people today. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?