In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Both rural and
city
people
serve a purpose. It is like yin and yang, they need each other. In my point of view, I believe that rural people
moving to the cities is a positive development because the city
offers many job opportunities and a better lifestyle.
To begin
, the city
offers many job opportunities for many reasons. Firstly
, the city
has a bigger population thus
it has bigger problems. For example
, in metropolis
, there are many hospitals to fill the Add an article
the metropolis
a metropolis
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
in
every region, and with Change preposition
of
this
comes more demand for health workers whereas
rural areas
have fewer health facilities. Also
, with huge populations, there will be problems that rural areas
people
do not have, and this
will also
need more citizens to work on the solution.
Another reason why rural families move to the city
is the better lifestyle. The city
offers better technology, education, and an overall
better life for development. although
the rural areas
have their beautiful features, still the city
offers more in terms of growth. For instance
, people
who live in rural areas
do not have top universities or high-end facilities, which is why the city
offers a better lifestyle.
In conclusion, the two main reasons for rural
population moving to cities are economic aspects and the better way of living. I firmly believe that rural Correct article usage
the rural
citizens
transfer to big cities is an affirmative growth. Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
while
this
in my opinion is a positive thing, but still there has to be a balance to everything.Submitted by jowanaalamoudi on
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic and presents relevant arguments. However, the introduction should be more engaging and clearly state the essay's main points. Try to avoid generalizations like 'both rural and city people serve a purpose' which might not add value to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, but some paragraphs, especially the first one, can be expanded to enhance your argument. Also, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for better cohesion.
task achievement
It is crucial to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of saying 'better technology,' mention specific technologies or advancements city life offers.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear conclusion, it can be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas, such as the need for balance, in the conclusion sentence.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious about grammatical errors and ensure proper use of conjunctions. This will improve readability and the overall flow of your writing.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task effectively by taking a clear stance and justifying it with relevant reasons.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates the main idea and provides a sense of closure to the essay.
task achievement
Concrete points are made regarding job opportunities and lifestyle improvement in cities, which are central to the essay's argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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