Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer countries. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
#improvement #health #education #trade #development #countries #governments #nations #responsibility #areas
Nowadays, under-developed
countries
are unable to make improvements in health, education
and trade due to
their lack of assets. I strongly agree with the statments
Correct your spelling
statements
statement
this
view, governments of high-developed nations should help poorer
Add an article
the poorer
a poorer
nation
in those areas.
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
Firstly
, rich countries
have more supplies than the poores
so they should provide them with financial aid. Correct your spelling
poor
For example
, big countries
could give money to support education
in order to make improvements in every area beacuse
it's important for Correct your spelling
because
poorer
country to form their own professionals so they become independent. They should help make Add an article
the poorer
a poorer
education
accessible for everyone building schools and providing good quality teachers.
Moreover
, richer countries
should help them sending
better doctors, paramedics and quality medical equipment to improve poor people's health. In poor Wrong verb form
send
countries
hospitals and clinics don't usually provide adequate medical machines or medications to take care of patients. Add a comma
countries,
This
factor can lead to a
spread of diseases or make simple diseases become massive threats. Correct article usage
the
For example
, some developed countries
such
as America, France or Canada could support vaccinations in lower countries
in order to reduce certain infection
and reduce the Fix the agreement mistake
infections
desease's
spread. Correct your spelling
disease's
This
would keep epidemic
under control Correct article usage
the epidemic
wich
results in Correct your spelling
which
a
better health worldwide.
In conclusion, the upper class can help poor Remove the article
apply
countries
in many ways: donating money, supporting education
and helping with a
proper medical care. In my opinion, all these actions are essential because they can help poor Remove the article
apply
countries
become self-sufficient.Submitted by chi63hi
on
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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of your response are directly addressing the prompt. While you discuss the need for financial aid in education and health, it would be good to also provide specific examples for trade, as the essay prompt mentions it.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar accuracy to enhance clarity. For example, 'richer countries should help them sending better doctors' could be rephrased to 'richer countries should help by sending better doctors'.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use transitional phrases to smoothly link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' can help to better structure your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to proofread your writing to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'disease' instead of 'desease', and 'with a proper medical care' should be 'with proper medical care'.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples to support your point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.