IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows a survey of the proportion of adults in California by age group who enjoyed different types of leisure activities in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows a survey of the proportion of adults in California by age group who enjoyed different types of leisure activities in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table illustrates the percentage of
adults
Use synonyms
 in California across different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who engaged in various leisure activities in 2011. Watching TV was the most popular activity across all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, with the highest percentage among those over 60 (89%) and the lowest among the 18-30
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 (76%).
This
Linking Words
 trend indicates an increasing preference for television as
age
Use synonyms
 progresses. Spending time with family and friends showed a declining trend with
age
Use synonyms
, being most popular among the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 (58%) and least popular among those over 60 (33%). Reading maintained a relatively stable interest across all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, ranging from 22% in the 18-30
group
Use synonyms
 to 16% in the older
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
. Gardening,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, showed a significant increase in popularity with
age
Use synonyms
, starting at 7% among the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 and peaking at 26% among those aged 46 and above. Listening to music and playing computer games were notably more popular among younger
adults
Use synonyms
. Listening to music was preferred by 27% of the 18-30
group
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 interest sharply declined to just 2% in the over 60s.
Similarly
Linking Words
, playing computer games was enjoyed by 15% of the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 and was virtually nonexistent among the older
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data reveals clear
age
Use synonyms
-related trends in leisure activities, with younger
adults
Use synonyms
 showing more interest in music and computer games,
while
Linking Words
 older
adults
Use synonyms
 preferred activities like watching TV and gardening.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, age, groups, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: