IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that all unviersity students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #unviersity #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
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While
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 some would argue that undergraduates should
study
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subjects
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 related to science and technology, I believe that
students
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 should
study
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 whatever they want. On the one hand, many graduates actually have problems with
lazyness
Correct your spelling
laziness
 and struggle to start practising. Because
,
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apply
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 they often choose easy
subjects
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 to learn and
also
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 do not know what they need in the
future
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.
For example
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, many
students
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in
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at
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the
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apply
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Essenov University ,
that placed
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which is located
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 in my town, have problems with choosing
subjects
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. As they say, it is hard to
study
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 science,
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consequently
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consequently,
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 many of their friends chose easy ones that they can handle, but
useless
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are useless
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 in the
future
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. It means they are not going to practise and learn useful skills.
However
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, I believe that
graduate's
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the graduate's
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 opinion and choice
are
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apply
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also
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needs
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need
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 to be considered in that situation.
On the other hand
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, it is thought that
students
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 have their own
opinion
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opinions
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 about
subjects
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 they need to
study
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 for
future
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 job experience. That means graduates know what they need for their profession and
also
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 can experiment with
subjects
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 to find out what they want. Because,
engineer
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engineers
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does
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do
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 not need psychology for
future
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 work that,
therefore
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, takes time to
study
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 and prepare.
For example
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, in KBTU,
that placed
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which is located
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 in Almaty,
students
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 can schedule their own
study
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 week and organise lessons they are going to visit in the university.
That is
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 a great opportunity for undergraduates because they can structure their own time for
main
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the main
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subjects
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 they think are
main
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the main
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 ones,
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whereas
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while
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 cutting down useless
subjects
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. I believe
this
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 idea is
quiet
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quite
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a
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apply
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good because it helps
students
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 a lot and
also
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 can give them freedom
in
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of
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 choice. In conclusion, forcing
students
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 to
study
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 science is not a great idea. That can help them be more disciplined, but I believe giving them
choice
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a choice
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 is better.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay should ensure that the arguments are well-supported with relevant and detailed examples. Some of the examples here could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logic of the essay should be more polished, especially in the connections between points. Ensure that transitions are smooth and the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, consider making them more compelling. The conclusion could better wrap up the entire discussion by summarizing and reinforcing the main arguments more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. This shows a complete response to the task, which is crucial.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help frame the essay well, setting the stage and providing closure.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas about both viewpoints, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • passion-driven learning
  • creativity and satisfaction
  • employability
  • job market trends
  • economic growth
  • practicality
  • cultural richness
  • critical thinking skills
  • global economic standpoint
  • technological advancement
  • oversupply of skills
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