Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Some people believe that completing
university
education is Correct article usage
a university
way
Correct article usage
a way
having
a good Verb problem
to get
job
. However
, others are convinced that developing soft skills
is more important.
Having weighted
both sides of the statement, I take the view that Correct your spelling
weighed
to get
experience and Change the verb form
getting
learn
soft Wrong verb form
learning
skills
is more efficient.
It is a
common knowledge that after graduating Correct article usage
apply
university
education is not Change preposition
from university
guarantee
to get Change the form of the verb
guaranteed
job
with Add an article
a job
high
salary and good conditions. Correct article usage
a high
This
could be explained by the fact that at the beginning of the yearworking
in government Correct your spelling
year working
in
average monthly salary accounted for 323 Correct your spelling
an
dollar
. Based on research there was a gradual growth seen Change to a plural noun
dollars
on
Change preposition
in
wages
of workers, Correct article usage
the wages
however
it is even not enough to live on. Add a comma
however,
In addition
, even if you have studied prestigious university
you have not
guarantee to get a Correct your spelling
no
job
instantly. Thus
, nowadays plenty of people have been not working with
their profession as their Change preposition
in
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
is
not satisfactory.
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
On the other hand
, getting experience and developing soft skills
is effective
way, what I mean here is that having Add an article
an effective
desired
salary and flexible schedule for your life Correct article usage
the desired
than
four years studying at Rephrase
rather than
university
and temporary
Change the word
temporarily
to be
Verb problem
apply
job
hunting will be easier. To take as an example, majority
of people are learning some social marketing works by coach and mini course. After finishing Correct article usage
the majority
course
you can earn money without wasting your physical Add an article
the course
effortsthan
Correct your spelling
efforts than
effort than
waiting
one monthly wage as Add the preposition
waiting for
this
is considered a profession in demand. Therefore
, the
younger individuals want to change their profession to social marketing Correct article usage
apply
works
.
Fix the agreement mistake
work
To sum up
, although
I accept that completing university
is the bestmethod
Correct your spelling
best method
getting
a Change preposition
of getting
job
, I support the idea that developing soft skills
is highly effective.Submitted by dnm.best on
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic and covers both sides of the argument, which is commendable. However, the introduction should briefly outline both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. This can help set the context more clearly for the reader.
task response
Make sure you clearly distinguish your opinion in a separate conclusion paragraph. Currently, your viewpoint is mentioned in the introduction, but a more explicit conclusion would improve clarity.
task response
Some of your main points lack sufficient detail and supporting examples. Try to provide more specific examples or data to back up your arguments, especially when discussing wages or job success without university education.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay can be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas are presented in a logical order. Transition words can help connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are more balanced in length. Some paragraphs are significantly longer than others, which can affect the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. Errors in grammar and punctuation can sometimes make your ideas harder to follow.
task response
You have tackled a relevant topic and demonstrated your ability to discuss both sides of an argument. This is a strong point of your essay.
task response
Your essay does include some specific details and examples, which are important for strengthening your points. Continue to build on this strength by providing even more detailed examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example