IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

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Modern
individuals
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 are different from those in years ago in choosing
career
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a career
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.
People
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 used to focus on one specific vocation. Nowadays, there is a tendency
that
Correct word choice
for
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 citizens usually participate in part-time
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job
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jobs
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons and state the pros and cons of
this
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 phenomenon.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can have various
jobs
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 because they are more well-equipped with knowledge rather than ones in the past.
This
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 results from the cover of compulsory education.
For example
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, a person
graduated
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who graduated
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 from primary school who can read and write,
he
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apply
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or
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apply
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she
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apply
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can apply for courses and diplomas in universities, resulting in his or her multiple choice
for
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apply
show examples
careers
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career
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. Another reason is that
global
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the global
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 economy is more
properous
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prosperous
 than it
in
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was in
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 the past, so there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more
vacancy
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vacancies
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 for
individuals
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 to fill
in
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apply
show examples
.
This
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 results in citizens
can work
Wrong verb form
working
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 as IT technicians and electronic
chips
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chip
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 engineers. These positions do not exist in the past.
Secondly
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, as for
individuals
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, the advantage is that they can have more income through part-time
jobs
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.
For instance
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, they can use
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
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 time to do a
job
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 on the internet,
such
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 as teaching English online. Another advantage is that, as for society, citizens can enjoy more products and services because more
jobs
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 are done.
For example
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, many nations entertain online by the
perform
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performances
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showed
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shown
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 by
people
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 who are talented in singing.
On the other hand
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, the
disadvantages
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disadvantage
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 for
people
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 who do part-time
jobs
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are
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is
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 that they are exhausted because of these part-time
jobs
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. Another disadvantage is that they do not have enough time
focusing
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to focus
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 on their major
job
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, which
lead
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leads
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 to strained development in their main career. In conclusion, I would like to recommend
to take
Change the verb form
taking
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 on several
jobs
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, which is good for
personal
Correct pronoun usage
your personal
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 finance situation.
However
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, when
individuals
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 are too exhausted to do part-time
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, they should cut their second
job
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 off and focus on their main
job
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task requirements, providing reasons for the shift towards multiple jobs and discussing both advantages and disadvantages. To improve, ensure that each point is clearly and comprehensively developed with more specific examples. Consider providing a balanced view with equal weight to the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be enhanced by using more linking phrases and transition words. Cohesion within paragraphs can be improved by ensuring each sentence logically follows the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea. For instance, separate your ideas about why people have multiple jobs from the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. This would improve coherence and allow for a clearer, more logical organization.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and specify the contexts. When mentioning examples, ensure they are relevant and specific. Avoid vague statements such as 'global economy is more prosperous,' and provide more concrete explanations.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the reasons for people having multiple jobs and lists the advantages and disadvantages, showing a good grasp of the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical, and paragraph breaks are used correctly to separate different ideas, aiding readability and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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