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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the Population in the state of Oregon by county. Three counties that incresed in population between 1940 and 2000, Columbia, Yamhill and Washington had shown the different increasing.

The line graph shows the Population in the state of Oregon by county. Three counties that incresed in population between 1940 and 2000, Columbia, Yamhill and Washington had shown the different increasing.
#line #population #oregon #county #three #counties #columbia #yamhill #washington
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According to
 the statistics,the results have shown an increase in the
population
 of three countries including Yamhill,
columbia
Change the capitalization
Columbia
show examples
 and Washington.Surprisingly,they have experienced different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of increases in their
population
 size,Which drives us to the conclusion that they have some distinct factors that have led to
this
 unexpected and differentiated outcome.
Firstly
,
Columbia
 has reported a 20% surge in its
population
 density, compared with its data of 1940.On behalf of
this
, we can summarise that
Columbia
 has failed to aware its denizens about family planning.
Consquently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,it led to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 birth rate recorded
my
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 the medical authorities of
columbia
Change the capitalization
Columbia
show examples
,resulting
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 numbers surpassing the death rate of the economy. Apart
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Columbuia
Correct your spelling
Columbia
,Yamhill
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 reported a sudden escalation of 15% in its
population
 data,
Analaysed
Correct your spelling
Analysed
 by
census
Correct article usage
the census
show examples
 department with its database of 1940.Talking about the results,We can perceive that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
authorties
Correct your spelling
authorities
 may be unable to impose strict laws regarding birth control.Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are
little amendment
Fix the agreement mistake
few amendments
show examples
 passed by
judiciary
Correct article usage
the judiciary
show examples
 system to improvise
such
 laws.
Lastly
, The research analysts of
washington
Change the capitalization
Washington
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 ended their report
while
 presenting
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 30% increase in their citizens.Being one of the prominent states of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,we can focus on the immigration factor for
such
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
.On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
,we can see the
washington
Change the capitalization
Washington
show examples
 state as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 land of
opportunties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for people,Influencing them to settle their life there.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, columbia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographics
  • Census
  • Migration
  • Infrastructural development
  • Economic impact
  • Urbanization
  • Rural to urban shift
  • Growth rate
  • Satellite cities
  • Migration patterns
  • Local economy
  • Population density
  • Service provision
  • Housing market
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Population spike
  • Sustainable growth
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