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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
#show #percentages #men #women #employment #four #countries
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The graphs below
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the number of men and women who are 60-64 the act of working for
pray
Replace the word
prayer
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 trends in four
countries
Use synonyms
 in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 thirty-year period,
Japan
Use synonyms
 remained the biggest indicator
who
Change preposition
of who
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 working,with all three other
countries
Use synonyms
 that much less on them. In 1970
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
work ability
Correct your spelling
workability
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 was much better, from
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
diagram
Change to a plural noun
diagrams
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 the highest index was in
Use synonyms
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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 with 84%,
while
Linking Words
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 aged 60-64 in
employment
Use synonyms
 Australia and Belgium
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had a strong industrial base, with significant
employment
Use synonyms
 as much as each other.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 by 2000, the gap in occupation between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 four
countries
Use synonyms
 had widened and considerably
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
liitle
Correct your spelling
little
 more was
employment
Use synonyms
 status in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and USA. As can be seen from the second diagram, the amount of
employment
Use synonyms
much
Add a missing verb
is much
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 less in double than
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
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,
also
Linking Words
 the highest indicator is 43% and increased in all four
countries
Use synonyms
 but rose dramatically in
Japan
Use synonyms
 again. The period between 1970 and 2000
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 a different growth and in 2000 the people who have a job from
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 charts as they less than in 1970.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, japan, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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