IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is students must
study
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and how to cook,
other view
Change the wording
another view
other views
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should
study
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
 lessons. It is undeniable that science
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all become an essential part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there is no absolute agreement on whether students should
also
Linking Words
study
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 or
study
Use synonyms
 only
school
Use synonyms
 subjects. A commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 is that some
parents
Use synonyms
 think that if
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 wold
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 the science of
food
Use synonyms
 he will not be able to keep up with other lessons. As evidence of
this
Linking Words
 they point to that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 must only
study
Use synonyms
 without any unnecessary things.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 view is that at
such
Linking Words
 an early age the child will not be able to learn and it will be hard for him to learn at the same time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that some
parents
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 want their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to adapt to adult life from an early age.
For example
Linking Words
, they may mention
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a student
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be left alone in some situations, he will be left alone without supervision, he will already know what
food
Use synonyms
 he will need, he will know what is possible and what is not and knows how to cook.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
school
Use synonyms
 government can make it so that after
school
Use synonyms
 there is a lesson related to
food
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 who wish can leave their children. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that each
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
show examples
 view can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
develop their skills.
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
also
Linking Words
 can do an additional lesson for those interested in the science of
food
Use synonyms
 and cooking.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your main points with detailed explanations and relevant examples, which will provide a stronger support for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports and builds upon your main thesis. More concise and clear topic sentences may help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the flow and cohesion of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will help you to make clear and logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the debate and sets up the discussion well.
task achievement
The conclusion nicely sums up the main points and offers a balanced view on the topic, suggesting how schools could potentially cater to different parental preferences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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