Some people say they History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subject like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days, a group of
people
say history
is a necessary item in school; however
, things value are change
because Wrong verb form
changing
technology
and the fields which
related to are developing really soon, so some Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
believe we must study
Science
and Technology
which are more crucial than history
. In my opinion, technology
and science
are the essential categories for evolving, yet history
learn
us the road Verb problem
teaches
of
goal which had less destroyed; Change preposition
to
as a result
, both of them are two aspect
of Change to a plural noun
aspects
developing
.
On the one hand, Replace the word
development
study
Replace the word
studying
history
in school and know
about the living and politics of the past Wrong verb form
knowing
people
and government have some merits. Firstly
, the evidence which happen
in the past can be rapid again; Wrong verb form
happened
therefore
, when we study
about
Change preposition
apply
these kind
of happen and read about Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
experiences and the Change noun form
people's
result
of their work. In fact, choose Fix the agreement mistake
results
better
way with Correct article usage
a better
less issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
fewer issues
For example
, Iranian
in the Ghajar government had the same Fix the agreement mistake
Iranians
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
with
the Change preposition
as
now
Correct your spelling
new
people
; hence
, when we want to alter our position to the
better situation we must Correct article usage
a
study
about
the changes that Reza Khan Change preposition
apply
did
in Iran. Verb problem
made
Secondly
, when students know about their history
, then
they do their customs better than past and like it due to
the fact they know the reasons of
Change preposition
for
these culture
. To illustrate, In the past women in Japan had black teeth because the rich females used a lot of sugar; soChange the determiner
this culture
these cultures
that
, they injured third Correct word choice
apply
tooth
; Fix the agreement mistake
teeth
however
, other women painted their tooth
black to show they Fix the agreement mistake
teeth
are
wealthy.
Wrong verb form
were
On the other hand
, we must improve our knowledge about
Change preposition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
Science
and Technology
for some reasons. The first one, when we involve
with Wrong verb form
are involved
Science
we can understand Technology
faster. In addition
, today, Technology
is the best factor since we cannot live without it. The second one, when
the student Add a missing verb
is when
study
Change the verb form
studies
about
them in school; Change preposition
apply
then
they can select this
road for study
, and help other science
for
upgrade them.
Change preposition
to
To conclude
, not only history
but also
Science
and Technology
are really important factors for follow
our lives Wrong verb form
following
due to
the fact history
help
us to Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
do
not fault for the second time. In Unnecessary verb
apply
other
way, we cannot live without Change the wording
another
technology
; thus
, we have to know about it.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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grammatical accuracy
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and structure. This includes paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use connecting words and phrases more effectively to link ideas together.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more comprehensive examples to support your points. This will help make your argument more convincing and relevant.
introduction
The introduction clearly states both perspectives on the issue and provides an opinion, which is good for setting the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide reasons and examples for both viewpoints, which showcases a balanced approach.
relevant specific examples
Some ideas are well-supported with specific historical and cultural references. This helps to demonstrate knowledge and contextual understanding.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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