Some people say they History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subject like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, a group of

people

Use synonyms

say

history

Use synonyms

is a necessary item in school;

however

Linking Words

, things value are

change

Wrong verb form

changing

show examples

because

technology

Use synonyms

and the fields

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

related to are developing really soon, so some

people

Use synonyms

believe we must

study

Use synonyms

Science

Use synonyms

and

Technology

Use synonyms

which are more crucial than

history

Use synonyms

. In my opinion,

technology

Use synonyms

and

science

Use synonyms

are the essential categories for evolving, yet

history

Use synonyms

learn

Verb problem

teaches

show examples

us the road

Change preposition

show examples

goal which had less destroyed;

as a result

Linking Words

, both of them are two

aspect

Change to a plural noun

aspects

show examples

developing

Replace the word

development

show examples

. On the one hand,

Use synonyms

study

Replace the word

studying

show examples

history

Use synonyms

in school and

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

about the living and politics of the past

people

Use synonyms

and government have some merits.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the evidence which

happen

Wrong verb form

happened

show examples

in the past can be rapid again;

therefore

Linking Words

, when we

study

Use synonyms

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of happen and read about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

experiences and the

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

of their work. In fact, choose

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

way with

less issue

Fix the agreement mistake

fewer issues

show examples

For example

Linking Words

Iranian

Fix the agreement mistake

Iranians

show examples

in the Ghajar government had the same

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

the

now

Correct your spelling

new

show examples

people

Use synonyms

;

hence

Linking Words

, when we want to alter our position to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

better situation we must

study

Use synonyms

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the changes that Reza Khan

did

Verb problem

made

show examples

in Iran.

Secondly

Linking Words

, when students know about their

history

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

they do their customs better than past and like it

due to

Linking Words

the fact they know the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

these culture

Change the determiner

this culture

these cultures

show examples

. To illustrate, In the past women in Japan had black teeth because the rich females used a lot of sugar; so

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

, they injured third

tooth

Fix the agreement mistake

teeth

show examples

;

however

Linking Words

, other women painted their

tooth

Fix the agreement mistake

teeth

show examples

black to show they

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

wealthy.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, we must improve our knowledge

about

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Science

Use synonyms

and

Technology

Use synonyms

for some reasons. The first one, when we

involve

Wrong verb form

are involved

show examples

with

Science

Use synonyms

we can understand

Technology

Use synonyms

faster.

In addition

Linking Words

, today,

Technology

Use synonyms

is the best factor since we cannot live without it. The second one,

when

Add a missing verb

is when

show examples

the student

Use synonyms

study

Change the verb form

studies

show examples

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them in school;

then

Linking Words

they can select

this

Linking Words

road for

study

Use synonyms

, and help other

science

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

upgrade them.

To conclude

Linking Words

, not only

history

Use synonyms

but

also

Linking Words

Science

Use synonyms

and

Technology

Use synonyms

are really important factors for

Wrong verb form

following

show examples

our lives

due to

Linking Words

the fact

history

Use synonyms

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

us to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not fault for the second time. In

other

Change the wording

another

show examples

way, we cannot live without

technology

Use synonyms

;

thus

Linking Words

, we have to know about it.

maryamkazemi968

Jul 4, 2024

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grammatical accuracy

Work on improving grammatical accuracy and structure. This includes paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

coherence and cohesion

Strengthen the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use connecting words and phrases more effectively to link ideas together.

task achievement

Provide clearer and more comprehensive examples to support your points. This will help make your argument more convincing and relevant.

introduction

The introduction clearly states both perspectives on the issue and provides an opinion, which is good for setting the stage for your discussion.

task achievement

The essay attempts to provide reasons and examples for both viewpoints, which showcases a balanced approach.

relevant specific examples

Some ideas are well-supported with specific historical and cultural references. This helps to demonstrate knowledge and contextual understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

371 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

crucial
comprehend
retrospect
gain insights
reflect on
sharpen
evaluate
significance
heritage
legacy
advent
breakthroughs
sustain
sustainability
revolutions
empowered
overcome
transform
advancements
collaboration
cooperation
diversity
fulfilling
promote
facilitate
prosperity
enhance
foster
foundation

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