IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Consumption of Fast Food by Mauritian Teenegers from 1985 to 2015

#consumption #food #mauritian #teenegers
The given line
graph
 depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Mauritian
Teenagers
' habit of fast
tood
Correct your spelling
food
 consumption between 1985 and 2015 years.It can be seen from the
graph
 that the popularity of Fried
Chicken
 and
Hamburgers
 rose enormously among Mauritian
teenagers
whereas
Pizza
 gradually decreased.
According to
 the
graph
,
Pizza
 was very famous in 1985 among the
teenagers
 of Mauritia.
Moreover
,at that time,it was eaten almost 60
times
 per year.After that,in 2005 the popularity of Fried
Chicken
 and
Hamburgers
 increased considerably.
Then
,the demand for
Pizza
 fell significantly from 50
times
 eaten per year to 10.
On the other hand
,it appears from the
graph
 that the popularity of Fried
Chicken
 and
Hamburgers
 rose substantially.
Nevertheless
,the demand for Fried
Chicken
 was
consistant
Correct your spelling
consistent
 over
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 period of 2005 to 2010 and the number of eaten
times
 per year was just about 60
times
. In conclusion, Mauritian
teenagers
 demonstrated a clear preference for Fried
Chicken
 and
Hamburgers
 over
Pizza
 during the years depicted in the
graph
.
This
 shift in eating habits may be attributed to changing tastes and preferences among the younger population in Mauritius.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, some additional details could enhance the completeness, such as comparisons between the three types of fast food in certain years.
task achievement
Although your ideas are generally clear, varying your sentence structure could improve clarity and maintain reader interest. For instance, consider combining shorter sentences or breaking up longer ones to better convey complex ideas.
task achievement
For better clarity, ensure to consistently use proper spacing between words and punctuation.
coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, you could add a brief explanation for why some trends may have occurred, even if speculative.
coherence cohesion
It would be helpful to structure paragraphs so that each one covers a specific point or trend. This approach helps clearly delineate your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your response.
task achievement
The main points of the graph are well supported with relevant examples, adding depth to your analysis.
task achievement
Your general observations about the trends are accurate and well presented.
coherence cohesion
Nicely summarized conclusion that ties together the observations you made throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: