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Band 1.5

Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #governments #university #fees #students #study #subjects #society #government #policy
Few individuals think that courses that
important
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are important
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society should be paid
by
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for by
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 the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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to
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apply
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students ,
while
other
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others
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 think that students who
enroll
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enrol
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into
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on
show examples
 less relevant subjects should not be funded by the government.
This
 essay will argue that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of
this
 outweigh the drawbacks. The government should focus on funding research areas like stem science and
cancer related
Add a hyphen
cancer-related
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 areas that
deals
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deal
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 with finding
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
This
because
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is because
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this
 area
require
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requires
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 tons of money to operate practical and experimental procedures.
For example
, The United
kingdom's
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Kingdom's
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 government announced
special
Correct article usage
a special
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 scholarship on stem research in 2022. Funding less relevant areas like music or arts subjects
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not very important
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other bigger issues to solve like global warming and other agricultural problems.
Submitted by prajapativishal9328 on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining your main arguments. This will make your position clearer and provide a guideline for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a balanced view. An introduction to the potential disadvantages would showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your argument would benefit from more examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning government funding, compare more cases or elaborate on the impact of not funding certain subjects.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'On the other hand' to improve the flow within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point has a clear topic sentence and adequate supporting details. This will help in maintaining a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Adding a conclusion that summarizes your arguments will help reinforce your position and provide closure.
task achievement
The essay addresses key points about which subjects should receive government funding, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The argument about focusing on more critical research areas like STEM and cancer is relevant and strengthens the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes a real-world example of government actions, which enriches the argument and shows awareness of current events.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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