IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a fact that nowadays, the youngest population prefer
not
Add the particle
not to
show examples
 be informed of what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is happening in the world, whether
if
Correct word choice
apply
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the format is by newspaper or TV. Personally, as a young person living in
this
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 new generation, I
absolutly
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 agree with
this
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 behaviour because the information provided is often negative.
Firstly
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, we should analyze which reasons might be behind
this
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 phenomenon. As our way of living has been changing, we utilize
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 platforms to read or
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
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 to
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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,
for example
Linking Words
, applications
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our phones
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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Twitter, or
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 for videos. The trouble is that the resources of
this
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 information are not reliable.
By
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, we are getting to be unaware
of
Change preposition
that
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 most information is not about positive things, and after reading or
hearding
Correct your spelling
hearing
 it, we feel upset and powerless, because we
are not be
Change the verb form
are not
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 able to handle and change bad
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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.
Moreover
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, we are concerned
of
Change preposition
about
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 how we can achieve a successful
live
Replace the word
life
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.
Therefore
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,
finding
Change the verb form
to find
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 a possible solution, I suggest that outlet mediums could provide positive cases to make
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 more
optimism
Replace the word
optimistic
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.
Otherwise
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, the
tendence
Correct your spelling
tendency
 will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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 and every time people will decide to not be informed.
For instance
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, they would talk about
success
Add an article
the success
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 of others, as an example that we can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 everything we wish.
However
Linking Words
, the Government might not be interested in
this
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 and prefer that people work for them. To summarise, there are
Correct article usage
a wealthy
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wealthy
Replace the word
wealth
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 of solutions to adapt and improve that correspond to the Government.
Otherwise
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, and
as a result
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 , young people will continue with their actual preferences. In my opinion, both are
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 solutions
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and in my personal case, I have decided to not read
anymore
Replace the word
any more
show examples
 negative cases.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a complete response to the topic, and you have clearly addressed the causes and potential solutions. However, some ideas lack depth and need further development with more specific examples and explanations.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but ensure that all elements of the essay are fully developed. For instance, the part about feeling 'upset and powerless' could benefit from further elaboration. Also, the connection between young people's preferences and the provision of positive news stories needs to be made clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which is good. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured and flows reasonably well, there could be more focus on ensuring that ideas in each paragraph are closely related to the main topic sentence. Some sentences and phrases need rephrasing for better clarity and consistency.
structure achievement
You have addressed the topic well and provided a clear introduction and conclusion. This shows a good understanding of the essay structure.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both the causes and solutions, which demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the task.
coherence cohesion
The overall flow of the essay is logical, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
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