IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The data from two pie charts illustrates the cultural and leisure preferences of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 based on a survey.
Overall
Linking Words
, an equal number of
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 enjoy listening to music,
whereas
Linking Words
 a significantly higher proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a preference for reading. There are
also
Linking Words
 notable differences in their choices of sports activities. In the first chart, it is evident that
boys
Use synonyms
 predominantly
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 playing computer games, with
participation
Add an article
a participation
show examples
 rate of 34% , followed by basketball, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 enjoyed by nearly
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 of
boys
Use synonyms
. Soccer ranks
third,
Linking Words
engaging 17% of them. Skateboarding and listening to music are less popular, each chosen by approximately 11% and 10% of
boys
Use synonyms
 respectively. Reading is the
last
Linking Words
 preferred cultural
activity
Use synonyms
 among
boys
Use synonyms
, with only 2% participating. Turning to the second chart, dancing emerges as the most
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
 among
girls
Use synonyms
, with 27% participation. Reading is
also
Linking Words
 highly
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 among
girls
Use synonyms
, with more than a fifth of them selecting it.
Although
Linking Words
 fewer
girls
Use synonyms
 play computer games compared to
boys
Use synonyms
 16% , it still ranks as their third most popular
activity
Use synonyms
. Netball closely
followen
Correct your spelling
followed
 at 15% .
Similarly
Linking Words
, gymnastics is
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by 11% of
girls
Use synonyms
, akin to the popularity of skateboarding among
boys
Use synonyms
. Listening to music is the least popular leisure
activity
Use synonyms
 among
girls
Use synonyms
, matching
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 10% proportion among
boys
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, activity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • gender difference
  • similar participation rates
  • traditional gender roles
  • trends
  • impact
  • parental influence
  • extracurricular activities
  • accessible
What to do next:
Look at other essays: