IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money
Whilst many think that individuals have to deal with uncomfortable situations by simply accepting that condition, I believe that it is more favourable for people to take
actions
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action
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 when they
were
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are
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 in bad circumstances. On the one hand, some people advise their relatives who are experiencing unwanted situations to keep calm and let go of their emotional instability during hard times.
Although
 there is no guarantee that situations will get better
off
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apply
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as time passes, others think that time will heal, so it is best to stay in their current position.
This
 is because there are possibilities to face harder challenges after leaving their current surroundings.
For example
, employees with low salaries tend to stay at their current workplace
due to
 being afraid of not getting higher-salary jobs.
However
, it is going to be much more preferable to start taking
actions
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action
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 rather than hoping things to improve without doing anything. Creating action plans before leaving their difficult situation will not only be beneficial for
preparation
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the preparation
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 step
,
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apply
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 but will
also
 increase their mood,
as well as
gaining
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gain
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a
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apply
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spiritual motivation. To illustrate,
by
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apply
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writing down the list of companies that the employee aims to apply for their next job,
it
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apply
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will stimulate them to pursue their dreams of landing a job in the new place which might provide greater salaries than they have now. In conclusion, I agree that as a human being, it is important to fix things during the worst situation rather than waiting or doing nothing, because when people begin to focus on what they can do, ideas will come up and motivations will improve their emotional stability.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, and your response is quite comprehensive. However, consider further developing the points to provide a deeper analysis and more nuanced arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph logically flows into the next. While your essay generally has good cohesion, transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and presents both perspectives on the issue effectively.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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