The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams depict the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
about the distribution of locations that are used for dancing
classes
in one of the towns in Australia and the number of students that participate in various types of
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
classes
, categorized based on their age group. The most used location for
classes
is the private studios which percentage is 48%. It is followed by the other three locations which are far left behind, including 24% at school halls, 18% at community halls and
others area
Fix the agreement mistake
other areas
show examples
, and 10% at college-base studios. Ballet has the highest number of
participations
Correct your spelling
participants
show examples
with approximately 600 participants under 11 years old, and 300 teenagers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the age range 11 to 16. Meanwhile, Tap
dance
classes'
Change noun form
classes
show examples
participants are above 400 for every age group.
Lastly
, Modern
dance
classes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
the greatest number of attendances at 500, with the major participants
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
teenagers and 300 children.
To conclude
, most
dance
classes
use private studios, with Ballet has become the most popular
dancing
Replace the word
dance
show examples
class followed by Modern
dance
.
Submitted by kelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, dance with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: