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Band 2

Particular cultures are under threat nowdays due to the fact that we are living in a global village.What do you think can be done to protect a society's traditional values and cultures?

#cultures #threat #nowdays #fact #village #society #values
In
20th
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the 20th
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 century, the most common
cultures
what
Correct word choice
that
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 have been
spreaded
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spread
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 since
thostand
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the
 years,
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 to reduce
piece-by-piece
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piece by piece
show examples
. The internet networks
distrbuted
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distributed
 worldwide and the people felt borning to look at anything related to
cultures
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culture
show examples
 especially,
museiums
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museums
, ancient
villiages
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villages
 and historical caves. In
this
 essay, the discussion briefly about how
the
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apply
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societies can protect
ancients
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ancient
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cultures
 and
its
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their
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 values. In my opinion, all communities must secure
museiums
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museums
, minimize the
time
 of using
the
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apply
show examples
social media to focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 old culture and travel to
oldest
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the oldest
show examples
 countries like
Yeman
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Yemen
, Egypt and Turkey.
Firstly
, visiting
the
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apply
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museiums
Correct your spelling
museums
museum
 is
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 valuable idea to maintain all
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the informations
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informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 in our brains and from
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the parent's
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parent's aspect
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parents'perspective
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, they have to convey the message to the children and audits. Because
,
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apply
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 the
resposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of parents are very
sensitve
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sensitive
 and it is very helpful to catch up in
earilest
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earliest
time
.
Secondly
, minimize the
time
 of using
the
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apply
show examples
social media to focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 old culture, rather than using cell phones and not investing
the
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apply
show examples
time
, they can watch videos about
tranditional
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traditional
 things
in
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on
show examples
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
 and other
website
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websites
show examples
.
Finally
, travel to
oldest
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the oldest
show examples
 countries like
Yeman
Correct your spelling
Yemen
, Egypt and Turkey to see and learn about
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
cultures
 in the world. In conclusion,
Submitted by king999z on

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grammar and mechanics
Work on improving grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and readability. For example, correct minor misspellings and grammatical mistakes such as 'museiums' to 'museums', 'resposibilities' to 'responsibilities', 'Yeman' to 'Yemen', and so on.
introduction and conclusion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion to provide a clear, concise summary of your viewpoint and arguments.
development of ideas
Develop the main ideas in your body paragraphs more comprehensively, providing specific examples and explanations for each point.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant strategies to protect a society's traditional values and cultures.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure present, with clear divisions between the introduction, main body, and conclusion.
relevant examples
The suggestions provided are pertinent and relevant to the topic, including visiting museums, reducing social media usage, and traveling to ancient countries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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