IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Many
people
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 believe that the overarching objective of
science
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 should undeniably be the improvement of
people
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's
lives
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. I fully agree with
this
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 statement, because
science
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 is capable of revolutionizing society, solving pressing problems and improving the well-being of individuals on a global scale
Firstly
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, the primary reason why
science
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 should prioritize the betterment of
people
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's
lives
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 is its impact on healthcare. Scientific research has led to remarkable breakthroughs in the field of medicine, resulting in the development of life-saving drugs, innovative treatments, and advanced surgical procedures.
For instance
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, the discovery and widespread use of antibiotics have revolutionized the treatment of infectious diseases, significantly reducing mortality rates worldwide.
Such
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 creations confirm their benefits for
people
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 and once again
confirms
Correct subject-verb agreement
confirm
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 the focus of scientists on helping individuals.
Secondly
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, some of the scientists' developments may have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact excessive development of artificial intelligence can lead to irreversible consequences. AI may become too smart.
Thus
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,
this
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 can lead to problems
such
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 as unemployment,
due to
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 the unnecessary need for certain professions, and, in principle, ultimately,
too developed
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too-developed
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 artificial intelligence can get out of control.
This
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 can serve as an example of the fact that not all inventions are positive
,
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apply
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 since scientists are
also
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people
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 and are
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also
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apply
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capable of making mistakes In conclusion, I completely believe that the primary aim of
science
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 should be to simplify
people
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's
lives
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. And try all their best
tj
Correct your spelling
to
 help
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because, through advancements in healthcare and contributions to solving societal challenges,
science
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 has the capacity to bring about positive transformation in our
lives
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.
Submitted by viktoria.popova92 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a relevant and clear stance on the topic. However, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the counterargument. Incorporating an additional perspective can demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on polishing your grammatical accuracy to enhance the clarity of your ideas. Pay attention to inconsistencies in verb tenses and minor punctuation errors.
coherence cohesion
Improve your coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and elaborate on them to solidify your points. Currently, the examples are rather general and could be more specific to be truly impactful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This format makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have managed to present a balanced view by acknowledging potential drawbacks, although this could be expanded further.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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