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Band 4

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in seprate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #seprate #schools #benefit
These days, an important factor for
children
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 school and
incresing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 the level of learning, so
people
 have 2 various
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
.
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
 group think
that is
 better
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 in institutes that are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
gneder
Correct your spelling
gender
;
in contrast
, another group believe students have to
sudy
Correct your spelling
study
 in
schools
 which have both boys and girl. I
subsecrib
Correct your spelling
describe
 the second idea it the best
one
 because
children
 in mixed
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 can improve better than
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other school
Change the wording
another school
other schools
show examples
. On the
one
 hand,
children
who's
Unnecessary verb
who
show examples
 study in
seprate
Correct your spelling
separate
schools
 can spend a lot of time with pupils who are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 sex.
In addition
,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of students can find
a friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
friends
a friend
show examples
exteramely
Correct your spelling
extremely
 soon.
Also
, in Islamic countries when
people
 have
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
schools
 they can find a place
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 girls are
Comfortable
Fix capitalization
comfortable
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the demerit of
this
 place is when students go to the society they cannot
related
Change the verb form
be related
relate
show examples
 with
people
 who have
oppisite
Correct your spelling
opposite
 sex;
thereafter
, these
people
 have a big problem at the
beginnong
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of their lives when they have a fiance.
On the other hand
,
Institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
 with both females and
melas
Correct your spelling
males
 have some merit and
drawbaks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
, but
im
Correct your spelling
in
 my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 the
benefites
Correct your spelling
benefits
 can
overshadowing
Wrong verb form
overshadow
show examples
 the disadvantages.
For instance
,
firstly
, pupils live in
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
 society with a range of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inhabitans;
as a result
, when they have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
sudy
Correct your spelling
study
 in
merge
Replace the word
merged
show examples
schools
 they have to learn how can they
denfende
Correct your spelling
defend
defended
from yourselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 because they can catch on
real
Change preposition
to real
show examples
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
.
Secondly
, when not
onle
Correct your spelling
only
 women but
also
 men are in
one
 place they learning are
climbing
Correct word choice
and climbing
show examples
due to
 the fact
one
 section of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 in
one
 group is sranger than other section;
therefore
, they can help
echother
Correct your spelling
each other
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 and getting
beeter
Correct your spelling
better
.
To conclude
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diverse
schools
 have some benefits for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
;
although
, we live in
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 and we should know how ought to behave in
differnte
Correct your spelling
different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
;
hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
combine
Replace the word
combined
show examples
schools
 can help
use
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 to solve
this
 matter.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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grammar
Your essay has several grammatical and spelling errors; improving these will make your writing easier to understand.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use linking words to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
conclusion
Make sure to clearly state your opinion and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task response
You have addressed both views on the topic and provided your opinion.
introduction conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
vocabulary
You have used a range of vocabulary to express your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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