IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that, with the development of
technology
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, cultural customs will
be vanished
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vanish
have vanished
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 and we cannot have these things
side
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 by
side
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.
However
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, I disagree with the given statement to a certain extent. On
a
Correct article usage
the
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 positive
side
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,
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technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancements are inevitable to meet the global requirements of human needs and these innovations have made communication and travel much faster and safer. Today, people are able to send text messages, voice and video messages around the globe within the friction of
Linking Words
second
Correct article usage
a second
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, all thanks to improved
technology
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that is
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 available around the globe.
For instance
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, China has tested a 5G network service which is 1000 times faster than its previous version called 4G. With the help of
SG
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the SG
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 network, one can download 2 gigabytes of data within the blink of
eye
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an eye
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. On the negative
side
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 of
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technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancements, faster communication using the internet has destroyed the culture of writing letters by hand.
Moreover
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, because of
this
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 development, people are less interacting
in-person
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in person
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 with each other, which is leading to
eradication
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the eradication
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 of cultural meet-ups and causing
major
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a major
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 communication gap. To illustrate, a couple of decades back, natives used to sit in a dedicated room for social meetings and discuss cultural stories and current affairs,
however
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, now
technology
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 has taken control and
this
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 tradition is lost or replaced by other means. In conclusion,
although
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, immense progress in
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technology
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the technology
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 sector has changed our practice of cultural meetings, it has made
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the earth
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earth
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Earth
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 a global village and contacting anyone digitally is faster than
eve
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ever
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 nowadays. With the proper usage of
technology
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 and making efforts to keep our customs alive, we can have these
both
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apply
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things in parallel.

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task achievement
Ensure to clearly state your stance (disagreement) in the introduction. Mention if you disagree completely or just to a certain extent.
task achievement
Incorporate a few more relevant and specific examples to support your points better.
task achievement
Try to make your ideas more comprehensively clear by elaborating on the impact of technology on cultural aspects other than communication.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition between paragraphs to establish a more seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the progression of ideas is logical and well-organized to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to directly link each body paragraph back to your thesis to maintain a consistent and cohesive argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good overview of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced view.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the 5G network, which help to illustrate the points made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • advancement
  • globalization
  • dilutes
  • traditional cultures
  • social media
  • blending of cultures
  • preservation
  • platforms
  • adaptability
  • technological adaptations
  • uphold
  • consequence
  • integrate
  • cultural frameworks
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