IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams.

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jams
Owning vehicles has risen substantially during the
last
 three decades in large towns all over the globe has caused consistent
transport
 holdups. I will discuss the truth of these statements and how
people
 in power could prevent the purchase of personal
transport
 by citizens. We are living in an era of increased globalization. The development of transportation technology has enabled
people
 to connect with each other from far away making
further
 need for personal
transport
. There are many factors contributing to the growth of purchasing vehicles,
such
 as
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
show examples
 of mass transit. The lack of public
transport
 is a problem in many countries, especially
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
 countries. Some may say walking or cycling is
also
 an option, but weather conditions of various places are not fit for outdoor activities.
Transport
 holdups most likely
happens
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 rush hour;
time
Add an article
a time
the time
show examples
 when workers’ and students’ schedule aligns
due to
 similar working hours.
Therefore
 I really do believe that there
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 been a tremendous rise in
people
 buying vehicles and that the extra amount of holdups that
this
 causes is valid. Measures should be taken, and a good example of
that is
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
. The majority of
people
 living there don’t use cars, they often walk or bike to their
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
. Public
transport
 is
also
 easily accessible in that area via trams and metro. Some cities might not have the resources or
geographically
Add a missing verb
are geographically
show examples
 suited for
these attainment
Change the determiner
this attainment
these attainments
show examples
, so I suggest increasing
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of fuels; though raising
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of fuel comes with a downside. High fuel prices increase operating costs,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to higher production costs and product prices. The option that I agree with the most is to make more and better public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
. It has low risks and high
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 if done right,
people
 may
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 subways more than a car,
then
 rates of purchasing
transport
 will drop.
Submitted by nugentsr on

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introduction and conclusion
Consider introducing a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
logical structure
Organize the ideas into clearer paragraphs with distinct points to improve logical flow.
supported main points
Include more specific examples and evidence to support the main points.
complete response
Expand on solutions with more in-depth explanations and explore additional angles of the problem.
complete response
The essay addresses both the rise in car ownership and suggests measures to mitigate traffic jams.
clear comprehensive ideas
Main points are generally clear and relevant to the topic.
relevant specific examples
There is an evident effort to provide solutions, such as the mention of fuel prices and public transport improvements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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