IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is true that
,
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apply
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 health sectors play a crucial role in society.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
healthcare
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 is quite expensive for normal citizens
by
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apply
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the private enterprises. Private
healthcare
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 has more benefits than
drawbacks
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.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. There are two vital advantages of private health
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service
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services
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.
One
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 of the primary benefits is that private
hospitals
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 provide the best quality of medical
service
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 in order to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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attract
to
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apply
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the population even if high cost.
This
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 is, public
hospitals
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 do not treat patients like humans because they are the government
emloyees
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employees
 but private medicals always
give
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apply
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response
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respond
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 to patients and help them.
For example
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,
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one
Change preposition
in one
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 of the famous
hospitals
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 in India, which is Apollo, the
treatement
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treatment
 cost is more expensive
eventhough
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even though
 normal
persons
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people
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 who earn wages like to go there and get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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treatment
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 from that
due to
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 the quality of the
service
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. Another
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 benefit is that these kinds of medicare companies have more resources like modernized medical
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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, qualifying
staffs
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staff
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, more bed arrangements and
surgens
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surgeries
,
hence
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, individuals prefer to get all these facilities under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one
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 roof without going to other places for taking examinations. Despite these merits, there are two main disadvantages of private
healthcare
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.
One
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 of the major
drawbacks
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 is that private
hospitals
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 that can only
affortable
Correct your spelling
affordable
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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affluent people because of the cost, small test
also
Linking Words
 brings more money,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
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 why wealthy people
are being
Verb problem
have
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 a
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
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 lifestyle than the
underprevileged
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underprivileged
.
For instance
Linking Words
, poor people can never think about to
getting
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get
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 the best
treatment
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private
healthcare
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. Another disadvantage is that private
companie's
Change noun form
companies'
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 primary motto
for
Add a missing verb
is for
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profits
Fix the agreement mistake
profit
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 rather than providing the best
service
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 and
treatment
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 to the population, so they usually conduct many tests even in a small fracture. These are the
drawbacks
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 of
this
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 phenomenon. In conclusion, private
hospitals
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 are providing the best quality of
service
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as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 they have more modernized amenities, these are the advantages of
this
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 trend. It is suitable only
the
Change preposition
for the
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 rich community because
treatment
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 is quite expensive and they more focus on their business profits rather
tahn
Correct your spelling
than
treating
Verb problem
apply
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treatment
Use synonyms
 are the
drawbacks
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 of
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, private
healthcare
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 has more
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 than
drawbacks
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'This essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.' Use varied expressions to enhance readability.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, ensure that each point is developed fully with clear support and elaboration.
general
Improve your grammatical range and accuracy to avoid common errors like run-on sentences and subject-verb agreement issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly establishes the topic and your thesis statement concisely presents your main argument.
introduction conclusion
Conclude with a clear summary of your key points and indicate why one side of the argument outweighs the other.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structured approach with distinct sections discussing advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Examples like the reference to Apollo hospital help ground the arguments with specific context.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the discussion well despite some grammatical errors.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic necessity
  • private companies
  • costly
  • ordinary individuals
  • specialized services
  • resource constraints
  • advanced facilities
  • state-of-the-art technology
  • health outcomes
  • alleviate pressure
  • wait times
  • innovation
  • competitive advantages
  • invest
  • new technologies
  • treatments
  • inequality
  • access to services
  • afford
  • financial strain
  • medical bankruptcy
  • sufficient insurance
  • well-resourced
  • predominance
  • neglect
  • universal healthcare goals
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