Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #government #debt #support

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Managing

money

Use synonyms

is essential for living a successful and

hassle free

Add a hyphen

hassle-free

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life, but a lot of

people

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still to

this

Linking Words

day have a difficult time

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

managing their

money

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and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

usually leads to

debt

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This

Linking Words

problem could be solved individually, but in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

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the

government

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also

Linking Words

has a role in

this

Linking Words

problem.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is important for the

government

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to take action

on preventing

Change preposition

to prevent

show examples

debt

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and

supporting

Replace the word

support

show examples

such

Linking Words

people

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Firstly

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, it would be useful if the knowledge of managing

money

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comes from a young age. The

government

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should make it mandatory to learn how to manage

money

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, and a good way to do it is to implement financial education in schools.

People

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would learn the skill

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show examples

how to manage

money

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from a young age and

this

Linking Words

knowledge should stay until they get to earn their own

money

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, but of

course

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course,

show examples

people

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who

finished

Wrong verb form

finish

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school can’t receive

this

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education.

In addition

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, tracking your budget and spending could be very difficult.

That is

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why I think the

government

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should develop some kind of

app

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that is

Linking Words

user-friendly and can help

people

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track their spending, budget, and much more.

This

Linking Words

would be like a personal financial assistant and would make managing

money

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much easier, but the drawback is that not everyone is suitable for using an

app

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to manage

money

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such

Linking Words

as the elderly who do not know how to use a mobile device.

Finally

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, gambling has one of the most impacts on making

people

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have

debt

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. Study shows that only 13.5% of gamblers go home from a casino having made any

money

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and the rest

having

Change the form of the verb

have

show examples

lost their

money

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. The

government

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could make gambling illegal and remove places

such

Linking Words

as casinos.

This

Linking Words

solution would be beneficial to individuals who are vulnerable to these tricks, but

this

Linking Words

would lead to opposition from the gambling industry and would decrease the nation’s income,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the advantage drowns out the

disadvantage

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantages

show examples

. In conclusion, individuals would benefit from having the skill to manage their

money

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and the

government

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could help by Teaching

Money

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Management in Schools.

This

Linking Words

ensures that young

people

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learn essential financial skills early on. Creating a Budgeting

App

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. A user-friendly

app

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can help

people

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track spending and manage their budget, making

money

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management easier. Banning Gambling. Making gambling illegal can protect

people

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from falling into

debt

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due to

Linking Words

gambling losses. These actions can help prevent

debt

Use synonyms

and support individuals in managing their finances better.

Submitted by kelly on Mon Jul 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a good overall structure, but improving transitions between paragraphs can enhance the flow of ideas. Try to use more linking phrases to ensure smooth transitions.

task achievement

Your response addresses the task well but could benefit from further development of ideas. Include more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will also help in making your points clearer and more comprehensive.

language

While your language use is generally clear, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Review the essay to correct these issues and ensure your ideas are expressed as clearly as possible.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your essay, providing a clear ending to your argument.

task achievement

You have addressed multiple facets of the issue, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic. This comprehensive approach strengthens your essay's response to the task.

task achievement

Including statistical data (e.g., the study on gamblers) helps to substantiate your arguments and add credibility to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

402 words

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Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

Fully explain your ideas

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths ang weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender ?

Some scientists think that computers will soon become more intelligent than humans. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Memorisation of information by frequent repetition, namely rote learning, plays a role in many education system. To what extend do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugat, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?