Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?
Managing
money
is essential for living a successful and hassle free
life, but a lot of Add a hyphen
hassle-free
people
still to this
day have a difficult time with
managing their Change preposition
apply
money
and
usually leads to Correct word choice
which
debt
. This
problem could be solved individually, but in my opinion
the Add a comma
opinion,
government
also
has a role in this
problem. Therefore
, it is important for the government
to take action on preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
debt
and supporting
Replace the word
support
such
people
.
Firstly
, it would be useful if the knowledge of managing money
comes from a young age. The government
should make it mandatory to learn how to manage money
, and a good way to do it is to implement financial education in schools. People
would learn the skill on
how to manage Change preposition
of
money
from a young age and this
knowledge should stay until they get to earn their own money
, but of course
Add a comma
course,
people
who finished
school can’t receive Wrong verb form
finish
this
education.
In addition
, tracking your budget and spending could be very difficult. That is
why I think the government
should develop some kind of app
that is
user-friendly and can help people
track their spending, budget, and much more. This
would be like a personal financial assistant and would make managing money
much easier, but the drawback is that not everyone is suitable for using an app
to manage money
, such
as the elderly who do not know how to use a mobile device.
Finally
, gambling has one of the most impacts on making people
have debt
. Study shows that only 13.5% of gamblers go home from a casino having made any money
and the rest having
lost their Change the form of the verb
have
money
. The government
could make gambling illegal and remove places such
as casinos. This
solution would be beneficial to individuals who are vulnerable to these tricks, but this
would lead to opposition from the gambling industry and would decrease the nation’s income, but
the advantage drowns out the Correct word choice
apply
disadvantage
.
In conclusion, individuals would benefit from having the skill to manage their Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
money
and the government
could help by Teaching Money
Management in Schools. This
ensures that young people
learn essential financial skills early on. Creating a Budgeting App
. A user-friendly app
can help people
track spending and manage their budget, making money
management easier.
Banning Gambling. Making gambling illegal can protect people
from falling into debt
due to
gambling losses. These actions can help prevent debt
and support individuals in managing their finances better.Submitted by kelly on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure, but improving transitions between paragraphs can enhance the flow of ideas. Try to use more linking phrases to ensure smooth transitions.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task well but could benefit from further development of ideas. Include more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. This will also help in making your points clearer and more comprehensive.
language
While your language use is generally clear, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Review the essay to correct these issues and ensure your ideas are expressed as clearly as possible.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your essay, providing a clear ending to your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed multiple facets of the issue, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic. This comprehensive approach strengthens your essay's response to the task.
task achievement
Including statistical data (e.g., the study on gamblers) helps to substantiate your arguments and add credibility to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.