IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph and pie chart below show band information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show band information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #show #band #information #crime #uk #year #summarise #features #comparisons
These line
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 and the pie
chart
discribe
Correct your spelling
describe
describes
 the status of the crime rate
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
 and dividing
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
tipes
Correct your spelling
types
 of crime respectively in the
last
 year in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. At first glance, we can see that the largest
number
 of
crimes
 are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by the
age
 group of 20-th, and there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violent
crimes
 (46%). I'll start with the line
chart
. We can see that the youngest members of crime are 12 years old, and the
elderest
Correct your spelling
eldest
elders
 - more than 60 years old with
almoust
Correct your spelling
almost
 the same
number
 of
crimes
 - like 8-9 tens of
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
.
Then
 we can see the significant rise in the quantity of
crimes
 - the next point of the graph - 70 tens of thousands up to
age
 16. The pick of the graph is in the
age
 of 20 with 800
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 of the
crimes
.
Moreover
,
after
this
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 we can see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
 of
crimes
, to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
0.6 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crimes
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
age
 24, and 0.2 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crimes
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
age
 28.
Furthermore
,
number
 of
crimes
 fluctuated slightly from 0.19 million
crimes
 in 32 to 90 thousand of
crimes
 in 60. From the pie
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 we can see that almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of all the
crimes
 are violent
crimes
 (46%),
twohold
Correct your spelling
two hold
 than property
crimes
 (23%). After that there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
crimes
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
22%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and in the
last
 place public order
crimes
 - only 9%.
Submitted by anastasia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, age, number, crimes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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