IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph and pie chart below show band information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show band information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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These line
Use synonyms
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 and the pie
chart
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discribe
Correct your spelling
describe
describes
 the status of the crime rate
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
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 and dividing
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
tipes
Correct your spelling
types
 of crime respectively in the
last
Linking Words
 year in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. At first glance, we can see that the largest
number
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 of
crimes
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 are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by the
age
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 group of 20-th, and there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violent
crimes
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 (46%). I'll start with the line
chart
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. We can see that the youngest members of crime are 12 years old, and the
elderest
Correct your spelling
eldest
elders
 - more than 60 years old with
almoust
Correct your spelling
almost
 the same
number
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 of
crimes
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 - like 8-9 tens of
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 we can see the significant rise in the quantity of
crimes
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 - the next point of the graph - 70 tens of thousands up to
age
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 16. The pick of the graph is in the
age
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 of 20 with 800
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
 of the
crimes
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
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age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 we can see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
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 of
crimes
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, to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
0.6 million
of
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apply
show examples
crimes
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in
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at
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 24, and 0.2 million
of
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apply
show examples
crimes
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 28.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
number
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 of
crimes
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 fluctuated slightly from 0.19 million
crimes
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 in 32 to 90 thousand of
crimes
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 in 60. From the pie
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chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 we can see that almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of all the
crimes
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 are violent
crimes
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 (46%),
twohold
Correct your spelling
two hold
 than property
crimes
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 (23%). After that there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug
crimes
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with
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
22%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and in the
last
Linking Words
 place public order
crimes
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 - only 9%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, age, number, crimes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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