Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
there is no denying the fact care
childern
is Correct your spelling
children
vere importnat
,Correct your spelling
very important
while
commanly
held Correct article usage
a commanly
belife
that must riseing Correct your spelling
belief
beliefs
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
in your homedwon and some people prefer
rise them out Add the particle
prefer to
country
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the country
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On the one hand, most of these Correct your spelling
essay
children
grow up into great adults in varying professions. For instance
, in the United Kingdom, most pupils in the early years of schooling have free education. This
gives equal opportunities to foreigners whose children
are citizens of the land by virtue of being born there to have the same exposure as actual natives of the United Kingdom. Such
environments reward hard work so as long as a ward with a foreign background excels academically, they will acquire the jobs of their dreams once they qualify. Also
, most Western countries reward talents unlike developing nations where people take up jobs not because they are passionate but because of the earnings from the work that will enable them to live comfortable lives. I definitely think these benefits cannot be achieved in one's native land and will say such
folks have an upper hand.
On the other hand
, in some societies, children
from foreign lands grow into vices. This
is a common finding in America. To illustrate this
, most people of African descent are aware their countries promote childhood discipline to shape one's attitude. But in countries like America, laws frown on disciplining children
and make it difficult for parents to groom their children
. These children
grow up making decisions that lead them to nowhere as adults. Most school dropouts in America are foreign and they are the ones involved in much violence. This
is because the parents are unable to straighten the lives of their children
in ways they know best as they are bound by some restricting laws in these foreign lands.
To sum up
, raising kids in foreign lands comes with pros and cons. However
, I am of the opinion these children
have more gains than losses.Submitted by azoz4001 on
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task achievement
Ensure you proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors such as 'vere' instead of 'very', 'belief' instead of 'belife', and 'downtown' instead of 'homedwon'.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your introduction more clearly. The current introduction is confusing and lacks clarity. Aim for a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Develop each argument more fully. Provide more details and explanations to support your points, and ensure your main points are clearly linked to the examples provided.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between your ideas. Words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'consequently' can help to connect your sentences and paragraphs better.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your argument and gives a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing.