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Band 5.5

Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #families #move #countries #work #people #children #benefit #life
There is no denying the fact that moving from one country to another is extremely exhausting.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that children who travel to other countries have a lot of benefits, there is
also
 an argument that others believe that it makes their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more difficult.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, exploring a new culture.
In other words
, the kids who travel to new countries can learn about their culture and,
also
 their traditions, make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 from across the world.
In addition
, learning new languages.
For example
. Going to a new country needs to learn
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 language to communicate with the locals and,learning a new language every once in a
while
 can improve the children's brains and ,their confidence.
On the other hand
, make friends quickly and, lose them even faster. It is
also
 possible to say that even though the kid can make some friends in a short time, he can lose them the minute his family find a much better job and, moves to another country.
Moreover
, the child's thoughts and, identity are distracted.
For instance
, children are used to being around their relatives same thoughts ,and personalities but, when their society changes they tend to lose and forget who they are. In conclusion , there are no easy
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that kids should not travel around because it is exhausting and, it is difficult for them to change their friends and,getting used to a new school it is better if the father travels his work and
then
 comes to visit his family every week.
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points in the essay are fully developed and supported with clear examples. Some points are mentioned but not elaborated on, affecting clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure, focusing on reducing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which provides a good structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and attempts to provide a balanced discussion, which is excellent for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Globalization
  • Opportunities
  • Diversity
  • Assimilation
  • Adaptability
  • Language acquisition
  • Education
  • Career prospects
  • Social connections
  • Isolation
  • Cultural identity
  • Support systems
  • Parental guidance
  • Ambiguous
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