Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, believe that everyone should have the freedom to choose whatever sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are some people who think that
governments
have to prohibited
the dangerous kinds of sports. Simultaneously others Change the verb
prohibit
appearing
that the possibility of free choice is the basic right of people.
Wrong verb form
appear
Firstly
, I want to discuss the side of those who think that it's necessity
for legislative Replace the word
necessary
sport
prohibition by Change the noun form
sports
governments
. The main reason for such
prohibition could be the cost of medical treatment of
the dangerous Change preposition
for
sport
consequences. It may be Change the noun form
sports
the
tough burden on the health system, especially in countries that have Correct article usage
a
a
compulsory health insurance. Remove the article
apply
Moreover
, in the countries with the
private Correct article usage
apply
insurance
Add a comma
insurance,
this
burden falls on the family. For example
, Michael Schumacher, who
became Correct pronoun usage
apply
handicap
after Wrong verb form
handicapped
skiing
accident. He was unconscious Add an article
a skiing
several
years in his house Change preposition
for several
that
became the hospital. But his family had Correct pronoun usage
which
a
money for Remove the article
apply
such
treatment. And if they hadn't had? Many families sailed there
cars and houses Correct your spelling
their
for paying
medical bills.
Change preposition
to pay
On the other hand
, the
freedom of choice is one of the basic statuses of the democratic state law. So we can't ask the Correct article usage
apply
governments
to change the essential status of their law. I suppose that they can limit the age of dangerous sport
participation, or convey all the responsibility for consequences to the people who are doing Fix the agreement mistake
sports
this
kind of sports
.
In my humble opinion, the Fix the agreement mistake
sport
governments
can't avoid from
their citizens Verb problem
prevent
to participate
in unsafe Change preposition
from participating
sport
activities, but they can increase Change the noun form
sports
the
awareness about the consequences of Correct article usage
apply
such
sports, rise
Correct your spelling
raise
the
insurance, and concern about special rehabilitation programmes.Correct article usage
apply
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Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction with a thesis statement that addresses the topic and previews the main points of discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs to enhance the overall logical structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clearly restate your opinion in the conclusion and summarize the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
Clarify your position when presenting the arguments of both sides to make your stand clearer.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations to strengthen your argumentative positions.
Task Achievement
You have included a relevant and specific example to support your argument, which enhances your task achievement score.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both perspectives and provides a balanced view, which effectively addresses the task requirement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.