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Writing Samples /
Band 4

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. » You should write at least 150 words.

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. » You should write at least 150 words.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #percentage #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
Based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the information provided about household
energy
usage
 in Australia, the highest
energy
usage
 is for other appliances.
Although
 it uses
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
percentage
 of
energy
, it produces
significantly
Add an article
a significantly
show examples
 low
percentage
 of
greenhouse
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
show examples
. The second and third highest
energy
 used in a household is used for water heating and heating & cooling.
While
 water heating
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
 almost the same
percentage
 between
energy
usage
 and
greenhouse
gas
 produced,
this
 can't be said the same with the
energy
usage
 for heating and cooling versus its
greenhouse
gas
 produced in
percentage
. The
greenhouse
gas
 produced by heating and cooling is so much higher than the
percentage
 of
energy
 it uses. Other notable
usage
Replace the word
uses
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 refrigeration and lighting. Both of them
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 higher
energy
 consumption
while
 producing less
greenhouse
gas
 in
percentage
. Some other
energy
usage
 is used for cooking and standby, both of them
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
the very
show examples
 low
percentage
 of
energy
 and
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
show examples
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
percentage
 of
greenhouse
gas
 with not so much difference between them.
Submitted by kelly on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, usage, percentage, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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