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Writing Samples
Band 4

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. »

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. »
#first #energy #australian #household #second #percentage #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Based
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the information provided about household
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in Australia, the highest
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 is for other appliances.
Although
Linking Words
 it uses
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
, it produces
significantly
Add an article
a significantly
show examples
 low
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
gas
Fix the agreement mistake
gases
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. The second and third highest
energy
Use synonyms
 used in a household is used for water heating and heating & cooling.
While
Linking Words
 water heating
produce
Change the verb form
produces
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 almost the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 between
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 produced,
this
Linking Words
 can't be said the same with the
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 for heating and cooling versus its
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 produced in
percentage
Use synonyms
. The
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 produced by heating and cooling is so much higher than the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 it uses. Other notable
Use synonyms
usage
Replace the word
uses
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 refrigeration and lighting. Both of them
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 higher
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption
while
Linking Words
 producing less
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 in
percentage
Use synonyms
. Some other
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 is used for cooking and standby, both of them
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
very
Add an article
a very
the very
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 low
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 and
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
show examples
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 with not so much difference between them.
Submitted by kelly on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, usage, percentage, greenhouse, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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