Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation

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Science has paved the way for us throughout

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human history. Nowadays our social life,

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

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and connectivity with others is impossible without it. Some people think

this

Linking Words

dependency can be harmful.

However

Linking Words

, I do not align myself with

this

Linking Words

camp of thought. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain my view.

Relience

Correct your spelling

Reliance

on technology

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every major sector has created a

fear

Use synonyms

among many regarding the cataclysmic effects

incase

Correct your spelling

in case

show examples

of any technological failure. In

such

Linking Words

cases, we will be

amputed

Correct your spelling

imputed

amputated

to do our basic daily tasks, resulting in

collapse

Add an article

the collapse

a collapse

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of our society. It is fueled by the constant tension and conflicts between countries, which is

worsend

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worsened

worse

by the possibility of

thermoneuclear

Correct your spelling

thermonuclear

wars.

This

Linking Words

fear

Use synonyms

has given birth to a new genre of

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show examples

shows, blogs and YouTube channels regarding survival in the wilderness.

For instance

Linking Words

, there is a

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show named Alone, which is in its 10th season, here

contestents

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contestants

are dropped in various secluded areas with only basic tools to see who can stay there longer.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, technology is built by

the

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apply

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humans to help and improve our existing system and like every other human

inventions

Change to a singular noun

invention

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this

Linking Words

fear

Use synonyms

armagedon

Correct your spelling

Armageddon

is a side effect. We can not throw away the scientific developments of centuries just because there might be catastrophic consequences in case of failure.

Moreover

Linking Words

, I believe we should double down and try to achieve a system which is

fail proof

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fail-proof

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or build multiple backup systems if one stops working.

For example

Linking Words

, aeroplanes are one of the best inventions of human history, which have multiple

redundencies

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redundancies

for each and every

instruments

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instrument

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, from a bolt to the radar.

To conclude

Linking Words

, as our society can not run without technology, there is a

fear

Use synonyms

of impending catastrophic failure. But I think

this

Linking Words

fear

Use synonyms

is baseless as

this

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

a part of human life to face different and difficult

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on Tue Jul 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

While your essay presents a clear position, try to balance both views more evenly and provide a bit more depth to your arguments to enhance the completeness of your response.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance your coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. For instance, connecting phrases or sentences between paragraphs can help.

Language Use

Work on your grammar and spelling. For example, 'Relience' should be 'Reliance', and 'amputed' should be 'hampered'. This will improve clarity and sophistication.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.

Task Achievement

You use specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your central thesis is clear and maintained throughout the essay, demonstrating a strong logical structure.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

reliance
cybersecurity
over-reliance
digital divide
data breach
cyberbullying
diagnostic machines
electronic health records
automated vehicles
predictive maintenance
real-time monitoring
vulnerability
misinformation
hacking
efficiency
navigation systems
traditional skills
system failures

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Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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