IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same job. What problem this causes? What are solution?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Issues related to job competition in two different generations are frequently discussed these days. It is true that the number of
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 individuals looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar position as younger
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 increasing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present day. In the following paragraph, both
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
this
Linking Words
 causes and
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 will be critically examined. On the one hand, there are a number of problems associated with
this
Linking Words
 trend. The principal cause is that the employment
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 for young people will be dropped,
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 for fresh graduates.
In other words
Linking Words
, opening positions for younger generations are able to be snatched by seniors leading to
unemplotment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 problems.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, many juniors could not
affoard
Correct your spelling
afford
 numerous benefits
such
Linking Words
 as public funds or company insurance resulting in negative
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research from Chulalongkorn University has shown that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
directly
vary
Correct subject-verb agreement
varies
show examples
 by the employment rate. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, there are potential ways to tackle these situations or at least reduce the effects. The primary method is
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should provide proper strategies to solve
Add an article
the circumstance
show examples
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that policies or regulations about aged people should be released including pension, retirement benefits and health care services.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 carefully invest in education and training programs for
amatuer
Correct your spelling
amateur
 job
seeker
Fix the agreement mistake
seekers
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can improve their competitiveness and employability in
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 market. All things considered, It can be concluded that youth unemployment, criminal rate, and work environments are the major effects of the increasing competition between young
ang
Correct your spelling
and
old generation
Add a hyphen
old-generation
show examples
 workers.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 of
labour
Capitalize word
Labour
show examples
 or any related agencies should find the right balance before making
such
Linking Words
 as pivotal determination.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure smooth transitions and overall coherence.
task achievement
Pay careful attention to grammar and spelling to minimize errors and improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively, discussing both problems and solutions.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, main body, and conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: