In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?
These days,
People
can influence in many ways to
around the world. Change preposition
apply
However
, in many parts of the world, Some famous People
are influenced to
Change preposition
by
youngesters
and they are Correct your spelling
youngsters
think
Wrong verb form
thought
about
as their Change preposition
of
role
models. I believe its negative impacts are of higher significance due to
reasons this
essay further
elaborates on.
To begin
with, many youngsters are taken
their Wrong verb form
taking
role
model
of renowned Fix the agreement mistake
models
people
only but this
brings enormous amounts of detrimental effects to
Change preposition
on
youngstere
because all celebrities are not Correct your spelling
young
being
good at their personal lives, but they just only to be acted in their career. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
is because,
youngsters when Remove the comma
apply
adhere
Change the verb form
adhering
Change preposition
to Celebrities
Celebrities
Change noun form
Celebrities'
Celebrity's
lifestyle
and Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
works
we Correct subject-verb agreement
work
adults
might be Add an article
a track
the track
track
on Change the form of the verb
tracked
otherside
. Correct your spelling
other side
For example
, these days, everyone. to become Correct article usage
apply
a
famous Correct article usage
apply
people
at overnight due to
Correct article usage
apply
the
Social media, so, how is it to believe that renowned Persons are taught good thingsCorrect article usage
apply
.
Needless to say, taking Change the punctuation
?
rolemodel
of famous persons that can lead to affects Correct your spelling
role model
Young
Correct article usage
the Young
generations
lives.
Change noun form
generation's
Furthermore
, numerous famous people
neither Provide good advice to youth
Correct your spelling
young
people
nor being
a Verb problem
apply
role
model
because many of them dure being done illegal activities like drugs and they are Fix the agreement mistake
models
also
basing
frequently in Verb problem
apply
a
public Correct article usage
apply
place
, Fix the agreement mistake
places
Consequently
, adults
must be followed
Wrong verb form
follow
coupled with
additcted there illegal activities. For instance
, a famous hollywood
superstar, Mr Vijayakanth has Change the capitalization
Hollywood
addicted
to Add a missing verb
been addicted
use
Correct article usage
the use
drugs
and drinks of Change preposition
of drugs
alhocol
, so, Correct your spelling
alcohol
the
his fans and followers Remove the article
apply
also
have dranck
. Correct your spelling
drunk
Then
, taking role
models of renowned people
always influence people
who adults
adults
in a negative path.
In Conclusion, Remove the redundancy
apply
Celebrities
lifestyle influence in a negative way to the young generation and they will practice bad habits Change noun form
Celebrities'
Celebrity's
to
Change preposition
with
them
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
therefore
, I think this
phenomenon has brings
enormous amounts of Change the verb form
brought
deferimental
effects Correct your spelling
detrimental
to
the younger Change preposition
on
Correct your spelling
generation
gerelation
Correct your spelling
generation
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could improve by better organizing your ideas. Try to follow a more structured approach: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are strong. The introduction should clearly state your opinion, and the conclusion should summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Work on clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and all sentences within the paragraph relate to that idea.
coherence cohesion
Reduce grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity. This will also make your essay more pleasant to read.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue, which is essential for a persuasive essay.
task achievement
You've used a couple of examples to support your points, which is good practice. Keep it up and aim to make them more specific and relevant.