IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter: describe the problem with the equipment explain what happened when you phoned the shop say what you would like the manager to do

#piece #equipment #kitchen #work #shop #action #manager
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to complain about
microwave
Correct article usage
the microwave
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oven
 which I purchased from your local shop market on Amir Temur Street. I bought it on the 25th of May but did not open until
30th
Correct article usage
the 30th
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 of May, because
of
Change preposition
apply
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I was on my business trip in Tashkent for 5 days. Today I returned home and opened the box. In the
box
Add a comma
box,
show examples
 I find an instruction booklet and I clearly read it. I followed
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
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,
tried
Correct word choice
and tried
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 to switch on
microwave
Add an article
the microwave
a microwave
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oven
.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
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 the
microwave
oven
 did not work. I cannot use
microwave
Correct article usage
a microwave
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oven
. I called
to
Change preposition
apply
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your customer service center,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 service agent who answered me said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they
will sent
Wrong verb form
would send
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 the master to my home in 2
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
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, but the master
did
Verb problem
has
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 not
arrive
Wrong verb form
arrived
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 yet. Please send someone to my home the
fixed
Wrong verb form
fix
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 or refund my money. In
attached
Correct article usage
the attached
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files
Add a comma
files,
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 I am sending the bill. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Mr. John
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear single idea. For example, the paragraph describing opening the box and attempting to use the microwave could be split into two separate paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more detailed descriptions and specifics to better address the task, such as giving more information about the microwave model or the specific issue it has.
coherence cohesion
Polish the letter for grammatical accuracy and clearer expression, as some sentences are slightly awkward or contain small errors (e.g., 'sent the master' should be 'send a technician').
suitable writing tone
The letter is polite and appropriately formal, maintaining a respectful tone throughout.
complete response
The letter aims to cover all required components: describing the problem, explaining what happened when you phoned, and stating what you want the manager to do.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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