IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that a world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #world’s #population #crisis #world #growth #economy #society
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overpopulation
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
 inevitably
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
 in the future as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technologies are
envolving
Correct your spelling
involved
 and facilities
higher
Add a missing verb
have higher
show examples
 effectiveness in curing, leading to higher longevity.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that an increase in world
population
Use synonyms
 is needed and beneficial to
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
show examples
 economy and societal growth, I side with those who believe that
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 will lead to a catastrophe. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, there might be some benefits of a high
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there might be numerous
amount
Use synonyms
 of new
factories
Use synonyms
 installed,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
allows
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to have a bigger opportunity to have a
job
Use synonyms
 despite the hard competition among
job
Use synonyms
 seekers.
This
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to
a high working activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
high working activities
a high working activity
show examples
 in a
country
Use synonyms
 that contributes to a higher
GDP
Use synonyms
 in a
country
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, numerous
amount
Use synonyms
 of men can volunteer
military
Change preposition
in military
show examples
 sectors to protect their countries.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, there are multiple drawbacks of a high
population
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 have been established to
balance
Use synonyms
 the
population
Use synonyms
 figures,
this
Linking Words
 leads to higher
pollution
Use synonyms
 produced,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 our atmosphere and leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change, even poor air quality that
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 various types of diseases.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as there are many
factories
Use synonyms
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
, there might be no space left to grow our
foods
Use synonyms
 or even
running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 a farm,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 might
be no
Rephrase
not be
show examples
 enough
amount
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 to feed all communities.
This
Linking Words
,
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a hunger
situation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite the high
GDP
Use synonyms
 produced by having a
high density
Add a hyphen
high-density
show examples
 of
population
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on
balance
Use synonyms
, I remain firmly convinced that the idea of having a high
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in a
country
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to a
situation
Use synonyms
 where
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough food for all of the residents and foremost the high
pollution
Use synonyms
 will bring many problems not only for the environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 our health. A
situation
Use synonyms
 where
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 density of
population
Use synonyms
 is high is inevitable as modern technologies are supporting our medical facilities and have higher effectiveness in curing, leading to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
long longevity of
people
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that an increase in world
population
Use synonyms
 is needed and has
benefit
Wrong verb form
benefited
show examples
 in world’s economy and societal growth, I side with those who believe that
this
Linking Words
situation
Use synonyms
 will lead to a world catastrophe. On the one
hand
Use synonyms
, there might be some benefits of a high
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there might
numerous
Add a missing verb
be numerous
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of new
factories
Use synonyms
 installed,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to have a bigger opportunity to have a
job
Use synonyms
 despite the hard competition among
job
Use synonyms
 seekers.
This
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to
a high working activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
high working activities
a high working activity
show examples
 in a
country
Use synonyms
 that contributes to a higher
GDP
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, numerous
amount
Use synonyms
 of men can volunteer
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 defend their
country
Use synonyms
 against its
oppositions
Fix the agreement mistake
opposition
show examples
 in
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, there are multiple drawbacks of a high
population
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 have been established to
balance
Use synonyms
 the
population
Use synonyms
 figures,
this
Linking Words
 leads to higher
pollution
Use synonyms
 produced,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 our atmosphere and leads to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change, even poor air quality that
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 various types of diseases.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as there are many
factories
Use synonyms
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
, there might be no land left to grow our
foods
Use synonyms
 or even
running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 a farm,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 might
be no
Rephrase
not be
show examples
 enough
amount
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 to feed all communities.
This
Linking Words
,
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a hunger
situation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite the high
GDP
Use synonyms
 produced by having a
high density
Add a hyphen
high-density
show examples
 of
population
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on
balance
Use synonyms
, I remain firmly convinced that the idea of having a high
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in a
country
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to a
situation
Use synonyms
 where
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough food for all the residents and foremost the high
pollution
Use synonyms
 will bring many problems not only for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 health.
Submitted by Practicexoxo on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your key ideas to present clear and comprehensive arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents both sides of the argument, which is essential for discussing the topic comprehensively.
complete response
You provide relevant points both for and against overpopulation, which shows a balanced approach to the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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