In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Several nations across the globe are experiencing a growth in
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
of individuals choosing to leave their hometown in the village to live in
cities
. The population in rural regions is
therefore
shrinking. I believe that
this
kind of situation is a sign of negative development, since it might cause the rise of
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
in
cities
and a decrease in workers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
villages simultaneously. One of the most significant drawbacks of
such
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
show examples
is the increasing
rate
of unemployment in
cities
.
People
who used to live in the countryside believed that there were lots of better job opportunities in
cities
, especially in the capital city.
However
, many of them are not supported by sufficient educational background, which makes them not qualified for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
in the
cities
. To illustrate, many urban in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, ended up being unemployed after months
trying
Change preposition
of trying
show examples
to look for a suitable job and were forced to go back to their hometown by the government.
In addition
, the rising numbers of
people
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas will
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
a deficit in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
in
such
particular
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
.
This
is
due to
the lack of young
people
, especially those
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
in productive ages.
While in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
the
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
term, the elders in the village could no longer able to work.
Therefore
, communities within countryside areas could not develop their own hometown which might lead to a growth in poverty
rate
.
For instance
, there are several villages
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Sulawesi Island in Indonesia experiencing
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
of rice
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of farmers, since more than half of the population are
people
above 50 years old and no young
people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
to help them do the farming. In conclusion, the rising proportion of urban is a sign of negative development for the country.
Such
kind of trend will increase
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
of unemployment in
cities
,
on the other hand
, there is a declining number of workforce in rural areas.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify and expand on the idea of rural workforce shortage to provide a clearer picture of its impacts.
coherence cohesion
Work on varied sentence structures to improve the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
The arguments are generally well-supported by examples, helping to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: