In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Several nations across the globe are experiencing a growth in
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
of individuals choosing to leave their hometown in the village to live in
cities
. The population in rural regions is
therefore
shrinking. I believe that
this
kind of situation is a sign of negative development, since it might cause the rise of
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
in
cities
and a decrease in workers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
villages simultaneously. One of the most significant drawbacks of
such
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
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is the increasing
rate
of unemployment in
cities
.
People
who used to live in the countryside believed that there were lots of better job opportunities in
cities
, especially in the capital city.
However
, many of them are not supported by sufficient educational background, which makes them not qualified for
working
Replace the word
work
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in the
cities
. To illustrate, many urban in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, ended up being unemployed after months
trying
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of trying
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to look for a suitable job and were forced to go back to their hometown by the government.
In addition
, the rising numbers of
people
left
Wrong verb form
leaving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural areas will
make
Verb problem
create
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a deficit in
workforce
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the workforce
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in
such
particular
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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.
This
is
due to
the lack of young
people
, especially those
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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in productive ages.
While in
Correct word choice
In
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the
longer
Correct word choice
long
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term, the elders in the village could no longer able to work.
Therefore
, communities within countryside areas could not develop their own hometown which might lead to a growth in poverty
rate
.
For instance
, there are several villages
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Sulawesi Island in Indonesia experiencing
shortage
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a shortage
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of rice
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of farmers, since more than half of the population are
people
above 50 years old and no young
people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
to help them do the farming. In conclusion, the rising proportion of urban is a sign of negative development for the country.
Such
kind of trend will increase
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
of unemployment in
cities
,
on the other hand
, there is a declining number of workforce in rural areas.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Clarify and expand on the idea of rural workforce shortage to provide a clearer picture of its impacts.
coherence cohesion
Work on varied sentence structures to improve the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
The arguments are generally well-supported by examples, helping to illustrate your points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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